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| Jillian jumping over Shelly at the last Community Workout. She can JUMP now!!! |
What’s The Point Anyway?
So I am not yet at the place where I feel the
magic happening during or even after a workout.
I have been asking myself what is going to keep me going? I do see changes and progress but not as fast
as I want to. Lots of days I just feel like I am not sure I will get
there. Intellectually I know I will, but
I am just talking about what my random feelings are sometimes. And aren’t many of our decision based on
random feelings in the moment, made without much thought? For some people, not so much perhaps. For others, it is this way in some areas but
not in others. For me, it is a constant
and growing awareness of each and every decision. A couple of years ago, I
would start some new diet and sometime throughout the day, just after I
finished the donut or whatever treat it was, I would suddenly remember that I
was on a diet and not supposed to eat that!
Thankfully, I am way past those days.
Now, I look at whatever food might be tempting me in the moment and I
carefully think through how this will affect me in the short and long
term. Will it take me towards my goals
or away?
Incorporating an exercise plan into my life is
really new. I have in the past
occasionally been somewhat successful with a diet. The long-term benefits never lasted though. But, I have never really been successful at
exercise. I have never been able to last
long enough to reap any real benefits.
To be honest, I am feeling a little scared that I won’t make it
now. I know that I have made some
substantial decisions and have slowly been making what I really believe to be
lifelong changes. But, just like when I
look in the mirror and see what still needs to happen, when I am in the middle
of a workout I can’t imagine ever enjoying it. And that scares me. What’s the point then? I know all about the health benefits, of
course. But, I want the joy. I want that amazing feeling that I hear
people talk about rather than lying in bed at night wondering how my mattress
suddenly turned into CONCRETE!
Okay, don’t get scared; I’m not going to give
up! This blog is supposed to be an
honest revelation of my journey. And
these random thoughts are just part of it right now. I don’t even feel discouraged like I was
feeling last week. This week, it’s just
more of a sigh type of feeling, with just a little bit of anxiousness
underlying the sigh. As I sit and
reflect upon the week, there are two times when I really did feel some of that
magic that will only come through being in better,
stronger physical shape. Let me share
them with you. The first was when I got
a call from the midwife that I work with sometimes asking me to come to a
birth. A short while later she called
and said, “Get here quick!” Well, when a
midwife says quick, I have learned that you move FAST! My daughter was inside one of the school
buildings at the college and I got out of the car and ran and got her and
ran back to the car! When I got into
the car, I realized I wasn’t even very winded. That would not have been the case a few
months ago. By the way, I did get to the
birth on time and it was beautiful. The
other time was when I helped a friend move.
I was tired going into it, but I found a second wind and at one point
when I was carrying something heavy to the truck I thought about how doable it
was for me. Carole and Jim always talk
about the fact that you do CrossFit so that you can be more equipped for your
life. I thought about that as I hauled
stuff and realized that this is why I am doing CrossFit; to be stronger and
have more energy to meet the demands of my life!
So, no matter what my random feelings may be on
any given day, I am learning strategies to cope with them and focusing on the
truth. I was reminded by a friend today
who is on her own journey towards health, and a fellow CrossFitter, that I need
to remember that the truth is not what I may be feeling, but what I believe I
can be! That was just what I needed to
hear today.
