Be right back, I gotta pee...

As I sit here typing this blog I have just left the bathroom for the 4th time this morning.  The difference today is that I have just a slight hint of yellow in my pee.  It's not my normal sunshine yellow or citrus orange color that I see many other mornings as I hit the flusher...nope not today...today I am changing me.  I can't contain my excitement as I look in the white bowl and see my progress.  It's those little things that give you encouragement to go on, to keep trying to be a better you.

I've been told so many times, "I can NEVER do what you do- you are so disciplined (insert many words here dedicated, better, blah blah blah!)"  I agree there are some areas in my life that I am hyper focused on but what about the things I am not so focused on?

Well, I am here to tell you that I am EXACTLY like you and if I can change, so can you!

We all have something in our lives that we want to change so badly, we know we need to change it, we think about it all the time and we have tried and failed so many times trying to make that change.  Yet, you are brought back to that one thing time and time again and you just can't figure out how in the world you are ever going to make this change happen.  The task at hand seems daunting and unachievable.

Here is my list of things that I struggle with doing on my own:

1.  Drinking enough water.

• This has LONG been a struggle of mine.  I have tried everything only to revert back to my old ways.  Today Joe has agreed to check on me every hour and see that I'm drinking 1 cup of water an hour.  So far, just the fact that I know Joe is worried about my water drinking I have done exactly what is expected of me.  When others are taking time out of their lives to make sure you are being better it makes you want to try harder.  Plus, now it's a bit of a competition and Joe knows how much I like to win.  So, his last text said he was at 4 and I was only at 2...so I drank another one just to be 1 (rep) away from him!! 

2.  Daily reading of the Bible.

• I know that when I read the bible and really dig in that I am a better person.  The hardest part for me is just DOING IT!!  It's so easy to be distracted by everything else in life.  Facebook. Jelly splash. Laundry. Work. Exercise. Eating.  But when I am in the midst of being frazzled the one person that ALWAYS leads me back to The Book is Brookie.  Without Brookie reminding me to read, "mom, sit down and read the bible for 10 minutes and then we can Facetime!"  She makes me want to be better.  Everything goes smoother when you delve into The Word. 

3.  Remembering to take my supplements.

• This goes along with water drinking.  How many of you have bottles and bottles of vitamins and supplements that are rotting away in your cupboards?  Mine would if I didn't have Jim.  If Jim didn't put my vitamins in a bowl and set them in front of me at breakfast and dinner - they would sit in the cupboard and rot.  Every night before I go to bed, he also fixes my magnesium drink so I sleep like a baby.  I have goals to make it to the CF games - and Jim knows that being at the top of my game ALL the time is what will get me there...which means my body needs a little supplementation. 

So, we are all good at some things and not so good at other things.  The beauty of this is that you can't and you don't have to do it alone.  I have surrounded myself with like minded people.  People in my life that want to do better, be better and have similar goals and expectations.

I have created a circle of friends and acquaintances that are willing to help me be better as I help them be better.  (I cannot count on one hand how many times Deb and Cathy have stopped me from eating a donut!!)

So take inventory.  What are you good at?  What do you need to work on?  Who in your life can help you work on that one thing?  What can you do that will help another person.  Surround yourself with people in your life that want to be better.  Get rid of the crabs and naysayers.  You know the ones.

Make a list of 3 things:  Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically that you need to improve on and tackle your closest friends to hash out a way to make it happen.

Spring has sprung.

Spring is in the air.

My favorite part of spring is waking up each morning and seeing what has popped out of the ground overnight.   I mean when you really stop and think about it - what an amazing cycle of life.  Under the ground for months it lay there in the frozen ground...and as weather warms with sunshine and the fall of rain it realizes it's time to come to the top and make a flower.  Year after year.  It's job never changes.

Along with getting these awesome presents each morning, I anxiously await for the mama robin to move into her nest that's been perched on my gutter for 5+ years now.  Every year we have a nest of new babies and I can't wait to see their tiny heads popping over the side of the nest.  Last year I almost fell off the porch railing trying to get a peek of my baby robins.

I love opening the windows each morning and hearing the birds chirp and the woodpecker going at it in the woods behind the house.  On a nice windy day hearing the chimes makes me cherish spring over and over and over.

And probably my most favorite part of spring is getting my garden ready for planting.  I've been tilling and added manure and compost.  My neighbors have to wonder why I am out there sprinkling eggshells and coffee grounds all over the place.  I LOVE my garden and will probably inundate you all with posts and blogs as each little vegetable makes its place from the ground to my table.  It's another one of those awesome wonders...that I can't wait for each year.

In the spring, I also like to take the time to refocus.  Check my goals and see where I am, what I need to improve on, where I am accomplishing as well as where I am slacking.  So, I pulled up my goal list for the gym from the first week of January 2015 and took a peek.
 

On each of these goals, I listed my goal- gave myself a date to achieve it- listed my reasons why I hadn't been able to reach that goal - listed things I could do to achieve that goal.  I am happy to say that I have accomplished all 3 of my goals that I set in January of 2015.

So, today as I march into spring I have to set new goals.  It's like spring cleaning...make everything fresh and new.  I'm happy to say that following regionals I allowed myself an entire week off.  No training, no restrictions on eating I did finally get to clean my house and get some things done on my to do list that I've put off for quite some time.  I did A LOT of sleeping as well.  And I'm sure some of you are wondering...but I've miserably failed on eating an entire bag of reese's peanut butter eggs...my original plan was to eat them all in one day...come to find out I couldn't eat them all in one week!!

This past Monday I started back at the gym ready to refocus and therefore I am announcing my goals publicly so that I can have the accountability of each and every one of you;0)

Goal #1:  I will make it to Nationals in the 2016 CrossFit Games (top 20 in my age group worldwide)

Date:  April of 2016

In order to achieve Goal #1 - I have 3 subgoals that will get me to that point:

Goal 1A:  Gymnastic movements - focus on bodyweight movements to improve weakness in HSPU and MU but not limited to just these 2 movements - also focus on butterfly pullup and kipping T2B.

Goal 1B:  Oly lifts - focus on FORM in snatch and clean and jerk.

Goal 1C: Mental game - focus on believing I am worthy of being a national competitor.

There they are.
Publicly stated for all to see.
3,2,1 GO!!

I almost let myself quit...but Turnbo's aren't quitters...

It's over.

For the past 3 months I have lived and breathed the Reebok CrossFit Open and now the Regionals Masters Qualifier.

Last night as I was making my final attempt at WOD 1 of the regionals qualifier...I had Jim stop the clock and I walked away after 2 minutes into the WOD I had only landed 3 muscle ups.  I knew there was no way I was going to beat my score of 17 so I called it quits.

I walked out of the gym and down the street.  In the middle of the street I started feeling sorry for myself and questioning my reasons for even doing all of this.  In the middle of my questioning I tried to make several phone calls 5 to be exact to find someone that would remind me of the reasons.

No one answered. (Hm, do you think God has a plan here?)

At that moment, I had to dig deep.  Really deep.  And decide for myself, why?

My mind was instantly flooded with reasons why...3 of those reasons were my first 3 phone calls. Brandon, Brianna and Brooke - they were reasons.  Gage was watching my every move at this moment.  He was a reason.  I had 20 other reasons standing in the gym cheering for me.  My husband who has given his time day in and day out - he was a reason.

But the real reason, the big reason, the one that was the hardest to believe - is that I deserved it.

Me.

Carole Ann Turnbo, I deserved to go in that gym and give 5 minutes of my best effort because I believed that I had the potential to be a games competitor.  Today, I had to do this for myself.  So, I told my little feeling sorry for yourself baby face to get my ass back in the gym and give what I had left to give for 5 minutes.  It was now or never...but we aren't quitters.  Turnbo's give it all to the very end.

No regrets.  EVER!

5 minutes and 4 muscle ups later, my games were over.  I knew it when I stepped off the box.  That my scores wouldn't get me to that elite 20 that go on to the next level.  But, it didn't matter at that time.  What mattered is that for each and every workout I did my very best.  The best I had in me for each day of each workout.  I had nothing more to give.

I am proud of myself.  That doesn't lessen the sting of not making it.  Please know that I cried my eyes out while Jim and Brooke were holding me. But I can hold my head high with the dignity of knowing I gave it my all.

Today as I sit here the leaderboard is telling me I'm in 33rd place IN THE WORLD!!  Seriously, someone pinch me.  How can a person not be proud of something like that!

Now, back to reality starts today with the cleaning of this poor house.  I haven't CLEANED for almost 2 months...now, most of you know what I mean here.  I have picked up...but CLEANED is a different story.  I am sucking up dust bunnies and scrubbing toilets and getting back on track.  My home, my business and most importantly my family are ready to have me back taking care of them. It was a nice hiatus having them care for me for awhile, but I like my original deal of being the mom. The leader of the pack.

I'll end today with saying, as I started to clean I walked into my bathroom where 3 months ago on the first day of the open my daughter Brookie lined my mirrors with inspirational quotes..."Musclemama", "Double under Queen", "You're the only one in the Open that has a guardian angel who's still got it!", "Good luck in the Open mommy."  and as I started to dust my dresser I came across a note from Gage:  "The most buitiful girl ever and that your the most perfect girl in the galexy.  Love GT ps you butiful" and as I started to move piles of papers I came across cards from all of my athletes and friends and then I saw the book that Jim wrote when I finished the Open... and that's when I knew, in my book, I was THE WINNER!

Proverbs 31:25-29 NIV
[25] She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. [26] She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. [27] She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. [28] Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: [29] “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 

Whatever it takes....

So, it's been awhile since I wrote.

I seem to have lost myself for a bit.

The past two weeks are literally a blur...it seems as though time flies whether you're having fun or not.

Gage uses this reference from time to time in the morning.  I ask that he is done with his breakfast by 7:00 am so that he can get his other stuff done before our rushed exit time of 7:20.  Some mornings he can take up to 40 minutes to eat 2 sausage links and a banana...as the clock moves towards 6:58 he'll say to himself, "Time flew, and I wasn't even having fun!"  Oh to be so literal.

So back to me.

My days have been on repeat:  4:30 am wake. Coach. Eat. Coach. WOD. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Wod. Eat. Coach. Eat. Sleep.
This shirt I have that says WOD, Eat, Sleep Repeat is no lie.
But yesterday it all came to a halt.
I hit "rock bottom!"
I realized that I lost myself in all of this.
I was no longer happy.
I've cried more in the past two weeks than I have laughed or even smiled.
My focus was off.

So, yesterday I refocused and I'm ready to hit regionals and move forward with whatever path is chosen for me.  

So, I thought I would share a couple of things I learned along the way - because every journey is a message, a chance to learn, a chance to be better:

14 Things no one ever told me would happen if you move to the next level:

1.  You become bi-polar - I could go from laughing to crying in a split second.
2.  And narcoleptic - I could fall asleep anytime anywhere.
3.  Coffee.  Enough said. (Did not help above diagnosis)
4.  When training picks up...your period stops.  (That's no lie)
5.  It's ok.  I googled it and consulted with Angela!!  Google & Angela know everything.
6.  I went 2.5 days at one point in the same clothes and no shower. (That's no lie)
7.  My husband is a saint. So are my kids.  My friends. & Dr. L - I'm surrounded by saints.
8.  It is possible that EVERY muscle can hurt at the same time.
9.  Even if every muscle hurts...you can still workout again.
10.  It is impossible to get a FULL belly.
11.  My dogs are good listeners.  Oh the things they know!
12.  This whole "game" is just as much mental as it is physical.
13.  You get presents;0) (Did I said I was surrounded by saints?)
14.  I have the ability to do "whatever it takes!"

It's 8:30 pm on Saturday night...I've done 10 workouts in 6 days and I have to get one more in before my Sunday planned rest day.  I've managed to procrastinate ALL day long.  The hammock became my best friend where I snoozed on and off for most of the day.  My family played outside and I had no control over my new proclaimed narcolepsy.  I was already upset that my Friday night training kept me away from some social time with my friends.  But, I wasn't about to look back on this evening and have a shouldof, couldof, wouldof kind of conversation with myself.

I promised myself 2 weeks ago that I would do whatever it takes to ensure that I did whatever it took.

NO REGRETS.

That's how I've lived my entire life.  I wasn't about to change it now.

Except I was sore as hell and I was tired and feeling sorry for myself.  But the workout called.  It came down to the fact that I wouldn't allow myself to eat dinner (this is HUGE) if I didn't get my workout in.  LOL.  The games we play.

So, I headed down to the basement to knock out WOD #11 so that Sunday I could have a blissful food filled rest day.

I had some work with presses, snatches and cleans and my WOD that day ended in a 3 rep max for my overhead squat.  In our basement we have "most" of the necessary equipment to knock out a good strength workout.  The one thing we don't have, is a squat rack.  So, we've managed to find a way to rack the bar so I can do my lifts.  When I had to do heavy back squats the week before...Jim and Brandon each took one side and made sure I was safe.  Tonight was our first test for the OHS...and since Jim was cooking my wonderful dinner I had grounded myself from my son was my only spotter for the day.

3 Reps @ 125#

After all my procrastinating I ended up getting 3 OHS at my body weight 135#... 

Whatever it takes.
Bring on Regionals.
3,2,1 GO!!!

The man behind the scenes...

Today, as I ponder on the past 5 weeks I find myself in such emotional disarray.  I'm excited that I made it to regionals.  I'm nervous that I made it to regionals.  I'm sad that the open is over.  I'm happy that the open is over.  I'm up and down and all over the place.  And for those of you that know me well, this comes as no surprise.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve for all to see...an open book...more readable than Dr. Suess' Green Eggs and Ham.  

And the one person who gets it all is the man that has been willing to stand behind me and gently prod me through each and every moment leading up to today.  

We've all heard that saying, behind every successful man is a woman.  But what about the man that takes the woman and walks along side her and teaches her and guides her and mentors her and then slowly pushes her in front of him as he takes a step back and lets her bask in the glory...of EVERYTHING he's helped her do?  

What about the man that does all of this and expects nothing in return?  What about the man that boasts each week about her accomplishments and is so proud that he can't stop telling her what a great job she is doing?

I have that man.  I have a man that will stop short of nothing to ensure my success.  Behind this successful woman is a man that gives her his everything each and every day.

James Edward Turnbo the III I love you with every ounce of my being.  I love you for holding me when I cry.  I love you for pushing me when I want to stop.  I love you for your silence (even though sometimes it makes me crazy).  I love you for knowing when I need pushed and knowing when I need coddled.  I love you for listening to me talk and talk and talk about my strategy...and letting me figure it out by myself.  I love you for ALWAYS being there when I work out.  Not speaking just present.  I love you for boasting about me each and every week.  I love you for all the times I didn't want to go on - encouraging me that I had what it takes.  I love you for making me coffee and serving me breakfast in bed when I was too exhausted to get out of it.  I love you for rubbing my sore legs, back, shoulder...and yes my booty;0)  I love you for loving me, even on the days I was so mean and had nothing positive to say. 

Jim will never boast or brag about himself.  But I will.  To the most handsome man I know - you have made me able to do what I do and I could never thank you or repay you.  My love of my life, my soulmate, my husband, my coach, my best friend.  You are my everything!!

I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm tired of being hungry...

Carole's Confessions

So, today I thought I would fill you in on some things that may or may not have happened this week...

1.  Last Wednesday - I wanted to quit CF and just be done with all this.
2.  I eat cereal on Open WOD Days.
3.  I may have blamed Sarah Ralston for stealing my boss socks.
4.  I ate wheat flour on Saturday...it wasn't such a good idea.
5.  I am extremely shy and all this attention is killing me.
6.  I cried my eyes out last night when the rankings came out.
7.  I took my first ice bath today...snow bath...whatever.
8.  I hate to drink water.
9.  I know the underlying message to Jim's email newsletter today.

Let me elaborate...

1.  Last Wednesday my body hurt and I wanted nothing more than to be a "normal" person and eat a freaking bagel!  I may have whined and complained my way through my appointment with Dr. L.  I may have had an attitude all day.  I may have told Jim that I wanted to eat a bagel.  I mean who in their right mind wants to do this?  I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm tired of being hungry.  My cortisol has to be completely out of whack as I eat, sleep, WOD, repeat the CF Open!!! 

2.  I am a creature of habit...and one habit I have is a heaping bowl of chocolate rice cereal drowning in coconut milk and topped with fresh strawberries EVERY time that I have an Open WOD to do. Who am I kidding...I don't eat just one bowl, I eat until my coconut milk is gone.  

Ingredients:  Rice, Sugar, Coconut Oil, Cocoa
Heaping spoon of coconut cream + water = coconut milk
Add strawberries for a delicious treat!

3.  This past Friday I had gone through my usual ritual...a couple of heaping bowls of cereal...typically makes a person like me pass out cold for a couple hours.  We'll call it carb crashing. During my "nap/coma" I had a dream about my son Brandon.  That was all it took for me to know that I had to wear the BOSS socks my lovely son had bought me as a gift when he was in Chicago. This was going to help my performance in the Open WOD on Friday.  Only problem was, they were nowhere to be found.  I searched in every dresser drawer of every family member.  At one point I may have proclaimed out loud, "That's it, Sarah Ralston took my socks!!"  For those of you that have NO CLUE who Sarah Ralston is - she is the one that keeps trading first and second place with me in the Central East Masters Women 45-49 age group.  And you all know she snuck in my house and stole my socks!!  

What really happened is I stuffed them in my boots and Brooke found them in the back seat of the truck on the way to the gym.  Divine intervention?!?!  Thank you Jesus - and Brooke for getting my socks.

The BOSS socks are on my feet...both Friday and Monday for the re-match!
Apparently Sarah Ralston is nicer than I've made her out to be;0)

4.  Flashback to that bagel I was craving...sometimes to get things out of my mind, I just go for it and see what happens.  Well, on Saturday I ordered a buffalo chicken wrap WITH A FLOUR TORTILLA!!! I was joining the ranks of the "normal!"  I ate approximately 1/2 - 3/4 of the actual tortilla...and then came the misery.  Lying on the floor, the bed, the couch wound up in the fetal position with stomach cramps so bad.  I am not normal, nor will I ever be.  Embrace it.

5.  The newspaper, the video, the Facebook posts, even a phone call interview from the Elkhart Police for my son Brandon resulted in talk about "my article!"  Makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide.  I was that kid that hid behind her mom's leg when people talked to me.  

6.  Last nights rankings.  I had much higher expectations for this workout.  And this one hurt.  More than I can ever express.  I'm still working through it as we speak.  

7.  Since Friday night I have had some strange muscular contractions in my right arm.  After consulting Dr. Angela on the nutritional end (possible dehydration/imbalance in nutrition) and Dr. Leffler on the muscular end (possible inflammation) ...it was suggested by Dr. Leffler that I take an ice bath.  I HATE TO BE COLD.  I cannot explain with words how much I hate to be cold...BUT I was willing to do what had to be done in order to make these stop.  

Step 1:  Shovel snow from the back porch into the bath tub.
Step 2:  Run cold water into the tub to melt some of the snow.
Step 3:  Get in the tub.
Step 4:  Make yourself sit there for 10-15 minutes.

I turned on some music...set a timer to count backwards from 15 to 0...and the only thing I had left to do was get in the tub.  I'd like you to imagine me hanging over the bathtub with all four limbs in each corner of the tub trying to figure out how to make myself get in.  This went on for almost two minutes...I finally counted 3,2,1 GO...now I know what you're all thinking...and set my arse in the tub.  At that point I may have let out a scream so primal that my dogs ran and hid under the bed.  No way were they going to watch this go down.  

I have a new fear.  Freezing to death.  I am afraid of drowning and now I am afraid of freezing to death.  IT HURT SO BAD!!  I swear I watched the hair on my legs grow back as I sat in the tub of ice water.  I made it 13 minutes from start (this includes the 2 minutes it took me to get into the water) to finish.  I got out of the tub at 9:58 - it's 11:24.  I'm still cold.

8.  Dr. A is on to something.  I don't like to drink water and my body needs it really bad.  She had me add real table salt to my water to help with hydration.  I've also been trying to eat my fair share of water filled fruits and vegetables.  Apples, peppers etc!!  

With Dr. A's wisdom I learned that "real salt" shouldn't be white..
.it should have some color in it these are minerals our
body needs that we don't get from our day to day table salt!  

9.  The newsletter - CLICK HERE TO READ

Pressure There are two truths in life that hold true about pressure (both imposed and self-imposed). They hold true no matter what you throw at them or how you look at them. These two truths can be summed up in three words: Buckle Pushing past So, today I get to decide if I will buckle or push past.  This decision can only be made by me and for me.  Jim cannot make this decision for me.  Brooke cannot make this decision for me.  You cannot make this decision for me.  I am the only one who can make this decision and I must make it for myself.   I was raised in a very large family where we were always taught to be completely selfless.  You didn't ever DO for yourself - you always did for others. It goes against every grain of my body to want to compete for me.  Every part of me wants to compete to make each of you proud.  I want my dad to be proud, and my mom.  I want my family to be proud.  I want Jim and my kids to be proud and I want each and every one of you to be proud.   Today, I have to dig to the deepest part of my being and let myself know it's ok to do something because I want it.  Because it's something I desire.  Because I want to make myself proud.  The struggle is real and it's only in me and can only be fixed by me. CrossFit is the easy part.   3,2,1 GO!!!

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed...

Some of you have met my dog Theodore...he is basically the coolest dog you'll ever meet.  He's full of life, kind of dopey, tail is always wagging, happy go lucky kind of guy.

Theo loves to eat, nap and chase squirrels.  Theodore, unlike Alvin is afraid of nothing.  I can vacuum up to his feet and he just stands there staring at me.  If Alvin hears me opening the closet door to get the vacuum he goes into hiding.

Al is afraid of everything.  He is typically seen cowering with his tail tucked between his hind legs. More times than not if you pick him up, he cries. For no reason at all.

Well, one thing that Al has mastered and Theo has not is getting up on our bed.  Al can spring from the floor onto the bed like a cat.  Theo on the other hand has tried and tried to no avail.  Time after time his attempts have taken him from face first with the mattress to landing him back on the floor.

Theodore has officially given up on trying to get on the bed.  After being bounced off the mattress time and time again, my puppy who fears nothing has given up...well kind of...it didn't take too long for Theo to figure out if he wants to get on the bed, that he can let out a little yelp, at all hours of the day or night, and mommy will pick him up and put him on the bed.

So which way is the right way to get on the bed?  Is there a right way?  Is there only one way?  Does it always have to be the same way?  Did Theo give up on getting on the bed?

Or did he just find a new way to get there...when his first option didn't work?

All too often we find ourselves faced with a situation that we don't think we can find the solution.

Which brings me to this weeks thoughts on Open WOD 15.3.

It's Thursday evening 8:00 pm.  We are all set in our usual position in front of the big screen.  Learning from last week's video delay I have my laptop ready as backup in case my Ipad can't keep up with the video stream.  No way I'm going to miss this announcement.

5 hours earlier I was in CF061 with Nick and landed my first muscle up.  I have already posted the video on Facebook for all to see...and Dave Castro drops the unthinkable.  Muscle ups as an opener in order to stay in the RX division.

Our home was completely silent...except for Gage he never stops speaking...I can honestly say, I was speechless.  My husband, knowing he can read me like a book...is silent as well.  We NEVER spoke about it.  NEVER.

Immediately I had to make a decision.  Like I had a mili-nano-second (I totally just made up that word...but what I'm trying to get across here is the smallest amount of time EVER EVER EVER!!) to decide if I was going to be positive or negative.  I could have gone either direction.

I could have started my thoughts with I.CAN'T.NEVER.BUT

I chose to start my thoughts with this very mantra, "I can do a muscle up."

And so it became my journey, goal, destination, dream, my only thought process....from 8:07 pm on Thursday evening until I entered my score on the Leaderboard Monday at 6:00 pm.

94 hours...quite possibly the toughest mental hours I've ever dealt with as an athlete.

Every night when I lay down my head to sleep, I say my prayers.  I pray for my husband and my kids and my family and my friends.  I always thank God for the day and usually towards the end, I'll throw in a little something like, "say Hi to daddy and oh by the way, thanks for helping me with...blah blah blah!"  This night in particular, I thanked him for my muscle up and drifted off to sleep...

When I woke up Friday morning my eyes were bloodshot and I was completely exhausted...have you ever done muscle ups for like 6 hours straight?  I did, while I was sleeping.  The muscle ups have started their journey of consuming me.

I spoke very little on Friday as I had to work overtime to keep my thoughts in line with my can do attitude.  Approximately every second and a half I had to remind myself that I could do a muscle up.  There was this constant tugging in my head, my heart and my stomach.  I would flip flop back and forth and over and over and over have to remind myself that I can do a muscle up.  I thought the time would never get there for me to go to the gym and get this over with.

On top of the muscle up dilemma I was faced with yet another dilemma.  That day I also had to talk about myself to the Elkhart Truth reporters.  I can brag about my husband, and my kids and each and every athlete at the gym...but ask me questions about myself and I retreat to this cozy place inside myself.  Talk about a rough day.

My goal for today was 1 muscle up.  Just 1.  I could stay in RX and move onto the next workout.  I did 1 yesterday.  I could do 1 today.

I warmed up exactly like I did the day before...I even wore the same shoes...just in case that's how I got my muscle up.  If the news weren't coming that day, I would have even been in the same clothes...just sayin'!

Now, because I had done 6 hours of muscle up practice in my sleep and another 11 hours of muscle up practice in my mind I got up on the rings, swung back and forth and for the first time EVER in my own gym, landed a muscle up.

I can never portray to you how I felt at that moment.  EVERYONE in the gym cheered and clapped.  My confidence soared.  "I can do a muscle up", I said to myself again.

As I was briefing the workout I had this overwhelming need to get it done.  This doesn't happen to me very often, but my heart was pounding and my voice was shaking for the entire brief.  I knew my time was now.  I felt completely and utterly selfish when I switched the heats and put myself first.  I felt completely and utterly selfish when I took the wood rings from Joe.  I'm not that type of person and I don't like to be.  But something inside of me was saying, "now!"  So, I listened.

3,2,1 GO!!

I don't remember right now if I got one right away, or if it took a couple of minutes, or even if it took 5 minutes, all I remember is that I was suddenly on top of the rings and everyone was screaming and yelling and cheering...I did it.  I had my 1.  I told myself, "Carole, from here on out are bonus reps, no pressure just do what you can."  With reckless abandon, great coaching, and a few kisses to my Alzheimer's bracelet I tweaked out 5 more reps for a score of 6.

To say I was on top of the world was an understatement.  I did a muscle up.  I did 6 muscle ups.  IMMEDIATELY  I wanted 7 and publicly proclaimed it right then and there.  New focus, new goal.  I set my time and date - Monday at 4:30 I will re-do the WOD and I will get 7 muscle ups and make it through the first round.

Just finished 7th rep - on to wall balls!

We all know how this story ends...I spent most of the weekend working on my strategy.  My goal was to turn the muscle ups into an EMOM.  I would do one right off the bat and then 1 every minute until they were done...I was nervous and nauseous when we left for the gym on Monday.  But, confident in my ability to do what needed to be done.  I had a plan.  It was time to take action.

Just like Friday, I landed one right away in warm-up.  Jim said, that's enough save them.  When it was time for 3,2,1 GO!! My body just knew what to do...after all, I had done this in my head for 2 and 1/2 days...it was just coming to life...it played out like I visioned over and over and over.

I even made it to the second round and got 1 more muscle up with a tired body.  My score went from 6 reps to 158 reps. Elated.

I'm going to take you back, before I take you forward.  When Dave Castro announced muscle ups as an opener to stay RX and I had that mili-nano-second to make a decision....

That happens every day to each and every one of us.  How many times in a given day are you forced to choose?

You see all of those if you believe it you can achieve it...positive thoughts = positive results...if you think you can, you can...type images and posts and tweets and this and that!!

And inevitably sometimes you let the seeds of doubt creep
in...but what if, in that mili-nano-second....you let yourself believe that you could? 

What if, you tried and failed and had to find a new way to get there,  like Theo?

Never stop believing, all things are possible.

To end my story, this morning I was driving home from the gym (it's Thursday) and I heard this verse from Matthew 17:20:

And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.

Thank you God for my muscle up.  
PS:  Tell my daddy I said Hi.

Double Unders!!

2 Goats. 1 WOD. Really?

In January of this year, I was asked to write out 3 short term CrossFit goals...just like I asked many of you to do for me at the beginning of the year.

It didn't take me long when I got the request to write my goals...I knew right away what I needed to work on and where I wanted to be in my CrossFit journey.  You see, I have been struggling with the same weaknesses for some time now.

In fact, for so long that many of you could recite them right now and my blog would be over!

But, this time was different - I had to dig deeper and answer questions like why I couldn't get them, what I could do to get them, who could help me get them and make a plan with a purpose.  I had to open up to a complete stranger and let him know exactly what I was going to do.

Here are the 3 goals I proclaimed in January of 2015:

My first goal was and always had been the elusive double under.  Never so frustrated with myself and typically brought about fits of anger when it was time to practice...that is, if I practiced at all.  I will never forget that Wednesday February 4th when I finally figured it out.

Jim in his typical fashion tried to help me that day and I was so upset that I turned my back on him and he walked away.  While he was in with Dr. L and I was in the gym by myself loathing in self pity and still deep in my hissy fit, I was out to prove him wrong.  That I can't never butt...do double unders!!!

And then like magic they came...I did 3, then 6, as I figured it out and my hands and feet moved in unison I was knocking out 30 consecutively before I knew it.  Each time I would get more and more I would run into the room with Jim and Dr. L - amazed and astonished that I was doing double unders.

I had set a goal of February 25th - my dad's 81st birthday - I met my goal 21 days earlier and only 22 days before the open began!

My second goal was the muscle up.  I will admit that I wanted this one googleplex and beyond more than I wanted those silly double unders;0)

So, I emailed my coaches and asked for help, asked for advice.  Joe gave me a book to read on muscle up instruction.  I bought a gymnastics program for adding strength in the muscle up.  I visited CF South Bend for a seminar on gymnastics and the muscle up.  I hired a gymnastics coach and had him come in the gym and help me with my muscle up.  This one was one of those if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger movements that I was determined to get.  

But as you can see from the form above that my goal was to get these by April 1.  The reason I chose that date was because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there would be muscle ups in the regionals qualifier.    I started getting this little voice in my head about 2 weeks ago...I had this nagging feeling that something was going to be different this year.  I talked to Jim about it and I told him, I have got to do something about my muscle up...I keep having this weird feeling in my gut.

TRUST YOUR GUT...IT's USUALLY RIGHT!!!

I sent a Facebook chat to Nick on Wednesday March 4th asking him to help me with my muscle up. I can coach others when it comes to this move but could not for the life of me figure out how to fix my problem.  Nick was out of town and didn't get back with me until Monday the 9th...we made a date for Thursday March 12th at 2:30 pm.  5.5 hours before the release of WOD 15.3.  

When I got to see Nick I wanted to bombard him with questions.  My biggest question for him was, "do you get nervous on Thursday's before they release the WOD?"  and his answer was, "I find that the only reason people get nervous is because they are afraid that something they cannot do is going to come up!" 

BINGO! Lightbulb moment...

He was right.  I was PETRIFIED they were going to put muscle ups in a WOD, and then what would I do?  Stand there with my thumb up my arse?!?!  Not this time, this time I was going to do something about it.

We all know what happened when I met with Nick, he was able to see right through me.  I'm kind of an open book like that.  I had some minor flaws in my swing that we worked out and he had me work on my transitions.  But what he saw was something much deeper.  He saw my fear.  He not only saw my fear...but he called me out on it too.  

Nick and I don't know each other very well.  We've talked and chatted here and there...but at that point he had me in a very uncomfortable situation.  I thought I better warn him that I'm a cryer as I felt the tears welling up in the back of my eyes.  He said, "you're afraid, the only reason you aren't getting these is because you're scared!" 

Scared to death is more like it.  Instantly my mind flashed back to the 2014 open when I hurt my neck.  Each and every day I spent in the gym when I returned, I faced a mental battle.  I couldn't do a push-up a pull-up a dip...I lost EVERYTHING!  This was my last mountain to conquer.  If I made it to the top of this one, I was 100% completely back to where I needed to be.  

With this newfound freedom and a sense of determination I've never felt before, I got up on the rings and landed my first muscle up of 2015.  I was back.  Confidence growing with each and every rep that made it through the rings.

5 hours after I got my first muscle up...WOD 15.3 was announced.  

I can't wait to walk you guys through what happened after that.  

1.  Set goals.

2.  Put them where you can see them.

3.  Every day, do something to work towards your goals.

4.  When you reach your goal, set new goals.

5.  Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

What makes you want to be better...

It's Thursday evening and I am anxiously awaiting the release of Open WOD 15.2...

I figured out how to hook my Ipad up to the big screen down in the basement...while I was at the gym, Jim made two of the most awesome looking Paleo Pizza's.  

It's the perfect scenario...eating pizza while watching two girls go head to head for WOD 15.2 on the big screen. Until my online streaming decided to make that little blue circle we all have learned to know and love AS SOON AS DAVE CASTRO announced that 15.2 was going to be a repeat!!! I'm frantically trying to find the stream on my phone, on my laptop as I am begging the repeat to be 14.5 - you know the one that awesome thruster/burpee combo.

Needless to say, the streaming wasn't being picked up on any of my devices at that moment and my heart was beating frantically with the fact that I missed the release of the WOD...it came back on several frantic minutes later with the two girls facing each other as they were getting ready to call 3,2,1 GO!!

When I finally settled down and figured out what the workout was the girls online had already started resting for the first 3 minute portion of the workout...immediately I start planning what I am going to do.  My first thought was, "there is no way I can do 2 rounds of 10 in 3 minutes!"  Instantly sabotaging my mental game. UGH!!!!  Here I go again.

I knew I had to WOD first thing Friday morning as we were celebrating Brooke's team going to state on Friday night.  So, mental preparation was going to be the key here.  One thing I did know is that the OHS were light and I wouldn't have a problem with them, the C2B on the other hand.  I never seemed to "get back" and these made me a little nervous.

Know your strengths AND know your weaknesses!!!

It's times like these I swear I can hear Jim inside my head.  We talked about the workout and decided that I just needed to feel it on Friday and see where I got.  No pressure, I was just feeling it out and seeing how my body responded to the WOD.

My initial goals.  Do not break up the OHS.  If I got to the 14's I would be happy, if I got to the 16's I would be ecstatic and I would bust out a happy dance.  I got into the 14's and was 8 reps shy of getting into the 16's.  When I finished the WOD I was tired...but not drained.  I knew if I pushed myself I could get to the 16's.  I started strategizing immediately.

It's finally Monday - 80 hours after my first attempt at this WOD. I have talked, strategized and thought about this for 80 freaking hellish hours.  I really needed to just do this and be done.  I was nervous and ready all at the same time.

If you aren't afraid of your workout it isn't hard enough!!!

Deb, my best female partner EVER came up to me and asked if I wanted to go first or second.  I said I want to go when Hunter goes.  I asked Hunter if he wanted to go first or second.  He said I want to go when you go.  At that point, I had picked my pace car or should I say we picked our pace cars.

Hunter's goal was the same as mine, to get into those 16's.  Last year Hunter got 116 reps and my first attempt I was sitting at 136 reps.  I had nothing to compare to last year.

About 10 seconds before Jim started the clock, I looked at Chris Burkhead and mouthed "I am nervous!"  He said, you got this!  I took a deep breathe 3,2,1 GO!!!

Hunter took off like a bat out of hell.  He squat snatched the bar and repped out 10 before I realized it was time to go.  I know Hunter VERY WELL and he typically starts quickly so I knew for now that I needed to just settle in and wait it out.  I would use him when I needed him, in the round of 14.

Every time I look at this picture, I coach myself and say, "eyes up!" 

We worked through our 10's and 12's and now it's time for the 14's.  My OHS were going great and unbroken and my strategy was to do 1 C2B at a time...I had spent the majority of the workout chasing Hunter.  Always a rep or two behind.  And if you know me, you'll know that nothing pisses me off more than being second.  I ALWAYS find someone to pace off in a workout and I ALWAYS use that person as fuel to get me where I need to be.  I couldn't catch him to save my life.

We were neck and neck and I could hear Joe count Hunter's reps and Deb would count mine...it was coming down to the wire and I could hear everyone screaming and I could hear Jim counting the clock and I knew I had seconds to get my last two reps in...I was on autopilot...waiting for Deb to tell me what to do and I would do.  My body was responding without a thought from my brain...3,2,1 TIME...as Jim was screaming that my body hoisted towards the pull-up bar for my final rep.

I made it.  I freaking made it to the 16's.  

There were no bells or sirens or whistles.  I couldn't have done a happy dance at that time if I tried.  I wasn't ecstatic or even excited.  I was DONE.  That is the only word that describes how I felt at that very second.  DONE.

But, oh the best part of making it to the 16's is I had 3 more minutes of pure un-adultered torture.  That is what it was each and every rep was pure torture.  After much insisting from the crowd I finally picked the bar up.  I will now admit to the crowd that the only reason I picked the bar up, is because Hunter did and he was pulling ahead of me once again.  I wanted to leave it there and I wanted someone to rub my forearms and to calm my burning lunges.  But Hunter picked the bar up so I had to as well.  I couldn't let him win.

I did 10 reps and dropped the bar.  I know in the midst of those 10 reps I was crying and moaning each and every rep hurt worse than the last.  I picked the bar back up and did 15, 16, 17....that's when I came to.  I looked at Deb and said, "how many reps should I do?"  16 was the answer...oh well I did 17 now I get to go to the pull-up bar.  1 rep at a time...forearms on fire...lunges burning...I was praying for Jim to call time.  I was on rep 15 when Hunter picked his bar back up...that little shit was ahead of me STILL...rep 16...TIME!!!

Hunter beat me by 4 reps.  I picked the perfect pace car.  I couldn't or wouldn't have done that well without him.

About 10 minutes after the workout my forearms looked like the concrete bricks on the wall and my throat felt like I may have swallowed one of those bricks as well.  I know Hunter felt the same way...it was a horrible feeling still.. and then my FAVORITE thing of the entire day happened.  Hunter walked up to me and said, "we have to do that WOD again soon - I know I can get to the 18's!"

Yep, folks.

We CrossFit to be better.  Better at anything.  Better at everything.  Better at something.  Better at CrossFit.  Better at life.  Better parents.  Better students.  Better spouses.  Better workers.  Just Better.

Hunter is 18 and he's already learning that there is nothing in this life that can stop him from being better as long as he puts his heart and soul into doing it.

My job is complete.

Astonished, bewildered, speechless.....

I can keep on forever with the adjectives that describe what I am feeling at this very moment.

Overwhelmed, excited, determined, scared, amazed, humbled...

The list goes on and on and the emotions are running high today.

This morning as I sit here trying to get some work done I received a text from Brianna.  Both of my girls have introduced me to this app called Time Hop.  Apparently what it does is take you back to a previous time on your social media and let's you know what happened in your life a year from now or two years or 3 years- so on and so forth.

Bri's time hop from this exact day 1 year ago looks something like this:

Imagine my reaction...tears streaming down my face.

A year ago today, I honestly thought my CF career was over.  I was out of the game and didn't have a clue what my future held.  My only goal at this time was to be able to move my arm again and to sleep through the night without pain.  Lofty goals right?

What I learned last year was that you need to take one day at a time.  Sometimes one hour. Sometimes one minute.  Sometimes one second.  When you're faced with a situation that takes you to a place you don't want to be...you learn quickly to be thankful for each and every step of the journey.

I had a lot of people rallying around me last year and through the expertise of my doctors, Dr. Angela who reacted immediately and Dr. Leffler who specialized in nerve damage I was soon back on my feet.  But even standing on my own two feet I faced trials in the gym like never before.  

I've worked hard this past year.  Each day, each moment with one eye on my goals for the open. With the support I received from Jim, my family and my fellow competitors each and every day - I am where I am today!  

Better.

Better than yesterday.

Isn't that what it's all about?

About 15 minutes after I received this from Bri...I received another text, this time from Brooke.  It simply stated "Ummm you should re check the central east leaderboard."  So I did, and this is what I found:

Tied for FIRST in the Central East!

Three WOD's down and three to go.

I cannot wait to see what the future holds. 

I love my God.   I love my husband.  I love my kids Brandon, Bri, Brooke, Gage and Gabby.  I love each and every one of you.  

3,2,1 GO.

1 done - 2015 week 1 recap!!

It's Physical.  It's Mental.  It's Emotional.  
I must stay Spiritual.

I'll just start this with a big sigh of relief.  Imagine all of the air coming out of me at one time as I let my shoulders drop and breath week 1 is done...

and I really need to talk about it.

Last Thursday I was anxiously awaiting the release of the first workout.  Just like so many others, I had my guesses on what it might be, but as we all have grown to know and love, is that you NEVER really know what you're going to get.  One thing I knew for sure.  And I wanted to make my intentions clear immediately, so right before the announcement I told my family that if I placed in the top 100 athletes in my age group IN THE WORLD that I was awarding myself a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg.

Another thing I did know for sure.  I could do it.  It might not be what I would choose.  It might be something I disliked.  It might be something I loved.  It might be a combination of both.  But, no matter what, I could do it!  With that mindset I sat down at dinner on Thursday night with my family and watched the announcement of the first workout.

And as soon as the WOD was released I started thinking about it...I fell asleep Thursday evening doing toes to bar in my head.  I woke up exhausted and blurry eyed on Friday morning to go coach the 515 class in the first workout of the open.  Still thinking about it.  Went back for the 830 class. Still thinking about it.

MENTAL

By 4:00 pm I had completely thought about it and had come up with my goals.  I wanted to get into the 6th round of the AMRAP and I would be completely ecstatic if I landed a 155# clean and jerk. At 4:30 I laid in my bed with my eyes closed for 15 minutes and did 6 rounds of the workout in my mind.  I then visualized myself landing my 155# clean and jerk.  Laying there I felt my heart racing in nervousness.  I started to get warm and almost felt like I was actually doing the workout.

YES T2B IN MY SLEEP!! It WORKED!

When I got to the gym and people started piling in I started to feel a bit anxious.  I could feel my stomach turning here and there and I would again close my eyes and remind myself of my goals.   After the briefing Jim threw me for a loop and announced to the ENTIRE crowd that we were working on my mental game and they were to take all questions to him and leave me be.  I was a little overwhelmed with that as I take a lot of pride in making sure that the open workouts run smoothly and are a great success for all of the athletes in the gym.  I honestly felt lost and alone and unsure of how to handle this "new role!"

PHYSICAL

Friday evening I did the WOD and got 5 rounds + 9 T2B for a total of 159 reps.  I also landed that 155# clean and jerk.  So, I was feeling pretty good about my success...for about 1/2 hour.  And then the thinking came back.  What can I do to make this even better?

SO EXCITED WHEN I LOCKED OUT THE 155#

Now, that I've FELT the WOD and had a score under my belt.  Where and how can I make this better?  One thing I don't do is compare myself to others on the leaderboard.  It's the most stressful thing in the world to me and I can't worry about what others are doing.  So, each WOD it's about doing the best I can do.  I heard here and there where I would have been placed on the leaderboard...but had no real idea of the reality of it.

Still gunning for my spot in the top 100 (I really wanted that Reese's) I reevaluated and had a new goal.  I wanted to get 165 reps in the AMRAP and I wanted to land 157# Clean and Jerk.

Jim told me that every time I thought about the WOD between Friday and Monday that I should visualize the number 165.  So that is what I did.  Randomly the workout would pop into my head and I planted that number right before my eyes.

It's Monday and I'm ready for a re-do.  I can't tell you how long I stalled.  To the point that Deb, my best female partner ever and judge said, "you have to do it eventually!"  I didn't realize it was that obvious;0)

I re-did the WOD and with much better pacing got 173 reps and landed 155# clean and jerk.  I did better.  I was excited.  For about 1/2 hour.  (Do you see a pattern?)

EMOTIONAL

After the WOD was over, I started coaching the 6:00 class and it dawned on me that I should have put the 2 3/4 weights on my barbell for a weight of 155.5.  How could I be so stupid?  Right away I started in on myself....this entourage of belittling myself stayed with me for 3 days.  Even after I saw my placement in the open.  Even after the excitement of coming in 19th in the world and 2nd in my region.  I did awesome and I was in such a great position and I still managed to tell myself I wasn't good enough.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't...

I beat myself up for three days straight.  Have you ever done that to yourself?  I had people congratulating me left and right.  I would say thank you outloud but in my head I would say other things.  They had NO IDEA what I was doing to myself.

SPIRITUAL

Those of you that know me well, know that I get my strength from the Lord.  Well, boy did I have to dig deep this time.  I pray constantly for God to guide me and use me wherever he will to share the great news of the God who saved me.  But the battle I had going on was a good one.  That sneaky little devil would sit on my shoulder and repeatedly tell me that I screwed this one up majorly.  I caught myself speaking out loud to the voice in my head.  One time in the car all by myself I yelled STOP IT!!!  Finally yesterday, I realized I wasn't going to be able to get over this by myself.  So, I FINALLY told Jim about my turmoil.  I didn't want anyone to know my deep dark secret.  I thought FOR SURE he would be just as angry at me as I was at myself.  And what he said to me was this, "you need to forgive yourself!"  I cried my eyes out...and forgave myself...and it was gone...I haven't thought about it since. 

The games are so much more than what you can handle physically.  We are all striving to "be better" in this world.  Better than our yesterday selves.  Better than our last week selves.  Better.  

So, here I stand Thursday March 5, 2015 8 hours and 12 minutes away from the announcement of wod 15.2.  A better person than I was yesterday and last week.  I will take what I learned.  Physically.  Mentally.  Emotionally. Spiritually.  And move on for another week.  

I have COMPLETELY reevaluated my goals and revamped my mindset.  And I wanted each of you to know where I stood, just in case...you've had some of those same feelings.  You are not alone.  

It's been a year and a half since I've written...

I have no excuses for not writing since May of 2013...

Maybe I got a little lost for awhile.  Maybe I needed to know my purpose. Maybe I needed to reestablish my goals.  Maybe I needed to watch the movie Fed Up to refuel the passion in me...

Because when I "reopened" my blog page just now and read the intro:

The way I see it those three simple words explain it all.....live freely with an open mind never judging others, laugh often and especially at yourself, love beyond measure...if you never risk being in love your missing out on the wonders of life....

This blog will show you how I live, laugh, and love on a daily basis...remember, these are my views of the world. Please take them and use them as you will....it is my journey to make this world a better place. 

One person at a time......

I knew that all along it is my journey to make this world a better place, one person at a time.

With that said, please know and understand a few things before I speak my mind.  

1. 2 days ago I watched the documentary Fed Up, if you haven't seen it and are raising children I highly suggest you watch it.  You are more than welcome to use my DVD.  
2. I am a little hangry right now, I can't seem to take in enough fuel.
3. I am tired and in desperate need of a nap, my body is sore and I'm sure I'm about to start my period.
4. I work day in and day out providing more of myself than I have to give on any given day to get the message of health out to the masses.  
5. Between the gym and my bootcamps I am up at 4:15 am and eating dinner at 9:30 pm so that I can be in bed and up to do it all over again.
6. I don't complain and I am NOT complaining about this as I LOVE, more than I could ever show you, helping people have better lives.
7. Plain and simply put, I wish I could reach everyone and make this world a better place...but I know it takes one person at a time.

So, please understand that I am saying this to help my gym...

A gym where I take pride in each and every athlete.  But please know that my pride doesn't stop with you, my athlete.  My pride spreads to your significant other and your families.  I want to teach you, so that you in turn can teach the next person and then that person teaches a person and soon the message is out to the masses.  It may start with one person, but it should be so contagious, so viral that you can't help but want to make others feel like you do so you share the good news of health.

I was feeling very proud of my efforts until just a few hours ago when I emptied the trash at the gym...in one trash can alone I found wrappers for PopTarts, Teddy Graham's, Combos and McDonalds...at that moment I couldn't help but feel as if I have failed.    At first I blamed myself for not trying hard enough to get my message across...but soon that turned to anger and I was frustrated that after all my efforts I missed someone.  

As stated in the movie by the year 2050, when our son Gage will be 45 years old, just as old as I am now - 1 in every 3 people will be obese.  What are we teaching our future?  What do our children have to look up to?  Please start now.  Please change the way you feed your families now.  Please, I am begging you....they need you to lead them.