I'm SO far behind....

Poor Jillian sent me this blog like 1 month ago....and I am SO far behind....I am going to post her words...and she told me she has some good news to share in her next blog.  So, now that I have finally posted this, she can send me another one:0) 

Jillian jumping over Shelly at the last Community Workout.  She can JUMP now!!!

What’s The Point Anyway?

So I am not yet at the place where I feel the magic happening during or even after a workout.  I have been asking myself what is going to keep me going?  I do see changes and progress but not as fast as I want to. Lots of days I just feel like I am not sure I will get there.  Intellectually I know I will, but I am just talking about what my random feelings are sometimes.  And aren’t many of our decision based on random feelings in the moment, made without much thought?  For some people, not so much perhaps.  For others, it is this way in some areas but not in others.  For me, it is a constant and growing awareness of each and every decision. A couple of years ago, I would start some new diet and sometime throughout the day, just after I finished the donut or whatever treat it was, I would suddenly remember that I was on a diet and not supposed to eat that!  Thankfully, I am way past those days.  Now, I look at whatever food might be tempting me in the moment and I carefully think through how this will affect me in the short and long term.  Will it take me towards my goals or away?

Incorporating an exercise plan into my life is really new.  I have in the past occasionally been somewhat successful with a diet.  The long-term benefits never lasted though.  But, I have never really been successful at exercise.  I have never been able to last long enough to reap any real benefits.  To be honest, I am feeling a little scared that I won’t make it now.  I know that I have made some substantial decisions and have slowly been making what I really believe to be lifelong changes.  But, just like when I look in the mirror and see what still needs to happen, when I am in the middle of a workout I can’t imagine ever enjoying it. And that scares me.  What’s the point then?  I know all about the health benefits, of course.  But, I want the joy.  I want that amazing feeling that I hear people talk about rather than lying in bed at night wondering how my mattress suddenly turned into CONCRETE!

Okay, don’t get scared; I’m not going to give up!  This blog is supposed to be an honest revelation of my journey.  And these random thoughts are just part of it right now.  I don’t even feel discouraged like I was feeling last week.  This week, it’s just more of a sigh type of feeling, with just a little bit of anxiousness underlying the sigh.  As I sit and reflect upon the week, there are two times when I really did feel some of that magic that will only come through being in better, stronger physical shape.  Let me share them with you.  The first was when I got a call from the midwife that I work with sometimes asking me to come to a birth.  A short while later she called and said, “Get here quick!”  Well, when a midwife says quick, I have learned that you move FAST!  My daughter was inside one of the school buildings at the college and I got out of the car and ran and got her and ran back to the car!  When I got into the car, I realized I wasn’t even very winded.    That would not have been the case a few months ago.  By the way, I did get to the birth on time and it was beautiful.  The other time was when I helped a friend move.  I was tired going into it, but I found a second wind and at one point when I was carrying something heavy to the truck I thought about how doable it was for me.  Carole and Jim always talk about the fact that you do CrossFit so that you can be more equipped for your life.  I thought about that as I hauled stuff and realized that this is why I am doing CrossFit; to be stronger and have more energy to meet the demands of my life! 

So, no matter what my random feelings may be on any given day, I am learning strategies to cope with them and focusing on the truth.  I was reminded by a friend today who is on her own journey towards health, and a fellow CrossFitter, that I need to remember that the truth is not what I may be feeling, but what I believe I can be!  That was just what I needed to hear today. 

The Tough Persevere......

I received Jillian's BLOG and immediately the word perseverance popped into my head.

     With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable. 

I loved this post and I will tell you why, because we have all been there. 

How many of us have walked head first into an obstacle...whether it be the choice of eating the brownie that is sitting in the break room, or the pressures of being a single mom running around like crazy, or financial pressure, or someone in your family is sick, or your on vacation, or your sick, or your tired, or your too busy, or your scared, you name it we all have obstacles.  It's how you get around the obstacle that makes the difference.

     Romans 5:3-4 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

 

I like how Jillian points out that she is going to focus on the positive things that are happening to keep her going.  How many times have you been down and out and focused on why you were down and out instead of picking three things that went well for you?  This is huge...if you're always looking at the negative and focusing on the negative...well then WELCOME TO NEGATIVE!!

     Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising up every time we fall.  

I also like how she points out that she is going to use the CrossFit Community and me to help her get through these trying times.  We all need accountability - we can't do this alone.

    Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish (John Quincy Adams) 

I know personally about accountability, if it weren't for the other 7 ladies doing the Lurong Challenge with me I may be crazy right now.  Well, I may be crazy anyways but really?!?!?!  Today, I was thinking a hot pocket sounded good.  What the heck is wrong with that?  Hot pockets aren't even real food....BUT I was able to let my friends in the Lurong challenge know and they poked and made fun of me...and I'm over it!!  

Anyone have any helpful hints for Jillian?  Let's send her some words of encouragement from the CrossFit Michiana Community!!

When the Going Gets Tough…….

Well, there’s just no way around it. How can one go through a major physical overhaul journey and not hit some rough patches?  Yep, I am here to tell you that you can’t, and I have hit my first big rough patch.  It’s hard.  I knew it would be hard, but what I am realizing is that it’s REALLY hard!  All of it is hard, not just the weight loss and exercise.  I mean, whatever you have on your plate is no less challenging than what I have on my plate, right?  That’s the point; that life is hard, and demanding, and somehow despite this, one has to figure out how to make good health happen.  Because good health doesn’t just happen does it? I can tell you what just happens:  poor food choices and napping on the couch after them! 

So this past week was a week where I let a few choices just happen.  I was tired, stretched thin, and honestly feeling a little discouraged.  There, I said it.  Sometimes when I look at how far I have to go, I feel like I will never get there!  But isn’t this where the magic is supposed to happen? Like when the superhero is faced with incredible odds and he just digs deep and saves the day?  If I had superhero powers (and believe me I wish I did) then I would just save the day, but that isn’t how life is, is it?  I know that this process is going to take a lot of hard work and perseverance.  I just need to dig deeper and push harder!

So, I have decided to take a minute and share with you some of the victories I have seen in the last week.  You already know that this has not been my best week, but here are some things that I am going to choose to focus on: 

1.)                          In the past, when I have made poor food choices it has discouraged me to the point of just giving up! I mean like give up and go on a food free-for-all for an indeterminate amount of time!  This time it has encouraged me to do another Whole30!  This is very significant growth for me and another major step in the right direction.

2.)                          Three weeks ago at my daily workout we were supposed to do jump ropes. I was HORRIBLE! I probably haven’t jumped rope in 30 years. I could only do 3-6 jumps without getting my feet caught and it took me forever to do the amount I was supposed to do.  Last week in the workout I had to do lots of jumping rope, and my longest stretch was 44! All together I did 460 jumps!  That is incredible and I am seeing gains in my physical abilities.

3.)                          I have never gone this far before in my attempts to change my physical health status.  It has always been a little forward and then a lot back. Now, I can see that I am continuing to move forward.  It hurts, it’s hard, and many days I don’t want to keep doing it, but I AM DOING IT!

I would be remiss not to mention the fact that the community of CrossFit Michiana is making all the difference! Carole seems to get in touch at just the moment I need it, and just when I think I can’t do any more in a workout there is a voice beside me yelling at me to keep pushing, I can do it!  I also have a wonderful community of friends and family that are cheering me on.  So, even on the days that I don’t know if I can really do this, I am going to dig deep and listen to those that are around me telling me that I can.  What about you?  Do you have that community around you to help you through the tough times?  By the way, that doesn’t just happen either.  I am so thankful to have found this community!  Now, I gotta go, I am on my way to a CrossFit class!

Me and My Shadow

Check out the rest of these on my Facebook page.

Me and My Shadow......

For the past 16 years I was the lucky mom that was fortunate enough to spend my time following 3 beautiful children around to all of their respective sporting events.

Brianna and Brooke have competed in dance and cheerleading since they were toddlers.  Brandon swam from the time he was 7 until he graduated from high school. 

My girls have competed in Las Vegas, NV, Branson, MO, Orlando, FL, Myrtle Beach, SC, Chicago, IL, and Indianapolis, IN....we have driven, flown, and carpooled across this country.  Brandon's events were mostly local but we spent many Saturday's in hot natotorium's waiting for his heat in a 2 minute swim.

I always made sure to pack the clothes, pack the cooler, feed them good food, calmed their nerves, curled their hair, did their make-up, sewed their costumes, bought their swimsuits, carried the bags, took the pictures, made the scrapbooks, cheered from the stands, screamed when they won and held them when they didn't...you name it - I did it.......so this past weekend we found ourselves in a little bit of a role reversal when I asked Brooke to accompany me to my CrossFit Competition for the Friendship Fall Master Competition.

Apparently everything I did for my daughter has taught her an invaluable lesson in life....and it's at that moment when you realize you have done something right...

She totally took control when I had none.  When I said I couldn't eat because I was too nervous...she made sure to talk to me gently and reassure me that I would be alright and somehow managed to get me to eat my breakfast.  When I thought for sure I was going to vomit from working out...she made sure to take pictures...something any mom would do.  When I fell asleep on the grass before my 3rd WOD she made sure to send a picture to Jim to let him know that I was OK.  She captured moments of all of my workouts, made sure she took a picture of my score card after every event.  Made my protein shakes post workout and brought me a banana.  Made sure I had the right shoes and my weight belt for each event.

But what I will never ever forget is her comforting arms when I found out I didn't get third place.  You see, this child can read her mama like a book.  I have a great way of turning it off for the rest of the world but this girl knew from the time it was announced until I lay in her arms crying that I really wasn't ok.  I laid on her lap in the back seat of the car while she stroked my hair and dried my tears.  Never having to say a word....just letting me know that she cared by her simple touch.

I am totally bragging here....but I want my kids to have the best of everything...and when I say everything...nothing of material is in my vision.  I want my kids to be happy and successful in whatever they choose to do with their lives...but I also want them to always know they are not the only people in the world.  I hold them at very high regard...and I love them with every ounce of my soul...but do unto other that has been done for you.  And all of my kids do and are.

I love you....my Shadow:0)

Update on Jillian.....

So Jillian's concern this week is the scale.  You all know how Jim and I feel about scales.  "Give them to someone you don't like", is Jim's famous saying.  Me on the other hand, will tell you NOT to focus on the scale and it's numbers.....but, also being female and a person that loves numbers knows that is almost entirely impossible.  Because, I still sometimes focus on that number staring blindly at me between my toes. 

WHY WON'T IT CHANGE?!?!?!?!

The first thing I would normally ask in this scenario is "How is your food?"  and you as an athlete will tell me, "it's good!" to which I reply "like how good, are you writing it down?" to which you as an athlete reply "no, I'm just eating good!"  to which I ALWAYS say "write it down, and let me check it out!"  

If you are on a journey to lose weight and you DO NOT document your food daily you are probably not eating as good as you think you are.  You could be TOTALLY Paleo.....but there is still a matter of over-eating even in the Paleo world.  If you are baking all the time and eating Paleo baked goods....that is a lot of fat.  If you are using sweet potatoes, squash, and other high glycemic vegetables for your carbohydrates every day you could be setting yourself up.  If you think you can live without fat, well then you're crazy.  Are you actually getting enough protein EVERY DAY?!?!?  We don't know if you're not writing it down. 

So the next step after going "Paleo" is to look for food patterns that would be causing you to roadblock or plateau.   Paleo doesn't mean you can have unlimited quantities of anything that is good for you if you are looking for weight loss.  So Jillian, write down your food for 3 days straight and let me check it out.

GIVE ME AWAY!!!

I have a scale story that MOST of you have heard but I will repeat until the end of time:  Because it's about me, it's true, and I have to remind myself of it on several occasions...well, like every time I step on the scale because as a women....no matter what...I will look at that number and admonish myself for being "FAT!"  Silly girl.

My daughter Brianna is 20 and 1/2 years old.  So a little over 21 (1991) years ago I found myself pregnant with my second child.  At the time I weighed 115 pounds soaking wet and wore a size 7/9 in jeans.

Fast forward 16 (2007) years and I am sitting in Jim Turnbo's gym getting measured for my first bootcamp.  I step on the scale and weigh 148 pounds.  To which I reply, "that's impossible my driver's license say's I weigh 115 pounds!"  But, it was the COLD HARD truth.  At this point I was stuffing myself into a size 10 and really should have moved on to those 12's.

Fast forward 1 year (2008) I am now 128 pounds and wear a size 0/2/4 (depending on the designer).

Fast forward 4 years (2012) Today I weigh 143 pounds and wear a size 0/2/4 (depending on the designer).

So, baffling is it?  Sure, will I always focus on the scale.  Probably.  But in reality it's just a number.  Get off the scale, give it to someone you don't like, if you're pants are falling down during a WOD, keep up the good work....if they aren't write down your food and I'll be happy to help you.

Jillian's Story:

Learning to Trust

Okay, so this week I feel like not much happened.  As you saw from last week I have indeed been struggling with time and my insane schedule. One thing I did this week in trying to address my time and be honest about how to make my priorities match my goals is I resigned my place in the Goshen College Choir.  I joined the choir the first week of school. I was thrilled. For those of you that know me and my family, you know that we are a group of singing, drama induced, performance geeks.  So, it was really exciting for me to be in a choir of such caliber for the first time in years!  I did it because of joy. My schedule doesn’t allow much time for me to partake in activities that feed my soul and I knew that being in the choir would give me a much needed creative outlet; this would bring me so much joy.  But, the realities of my day and the demands on my time forced me to make some changes in my schedule and I knew that choir was what had to go. After all, it couldn’t be chemistry, as much as I would have preferred that, and it sure couldn’t be CrossFit!  So, step in the right direction for digging deep honestly.

            The real issue that I have been thinking about this week, however, is my scale. It just isn’t doing what I want it to do, which is move down!!  I mean, we are at a snail’s pace here.  I talked to Jim about it this week and his advice to me was just to throw that thing away!  We talked about my nutrition and protein intake. He also asked me if I saw other positive changes, which I do.  My clothes are fitting better and I had to buy some new pants and bras last week because the old were just ridiculous.  But I am having trouble reconciling these facts with the scale that won’t move as fast as I want it to.  So what is really going on here?  For me, I think it’s about trust; trusting my body to do the right thing. Do I really believe that if I give my body what it needs nutritionally that it will respond?  For many years I had given up.  I was a looser who just couldn’t lose any weight. Ironic, right? I didn’t believe that I could do it, and had just sunk down into a deep pit of hopelessness.  Well, I have definitely moved beyond that place, but like peeling away at the layers of an onion, there is more to do.  On a deeper level I am having trouble trusting that I will get there.  Like in labor, my fear was that I just couldn’t do. It hurt like hell, and I was afraid. But, you know what? I DID do it! My body did work right, and as the famous midwife Ina May Gaskin always says: my body is not a lemon! 

There are many things that I have learned about myself and I know that this lesson before me must be learned too.  I need to trust that even if I don’t see the progress as fast as I wish that I will get there. Things are happening.  And since I am doing good things, good things must result!  Towards the end of the week, I got sick. A real whopper of a cold settled into my chest and I felt miserable.  This is a classic time for me to succumb to the desire for comfort foods like Ramen noodle soup (which I am not sure even technically qualifies as food) and starchy things. I didn’t do that though. I ate well. I made homemade chicken soup, slept a ton extra and gave my body a chance to feel better.  All the while upset that I couldn’t go to CrossFit.  I don’t want to lose any ground!  I am trying to trust that I am going to get there.  And Jim, I haven’t even gotten on the scale!    

So proud of my Gracies.....

For those of you that don't know if my plate isn't overbooked and I'm not running around like a chicken with my head cut off then I don't feel ...well, like I am changing the world.  And I really want to change the world.

My journey with my Gracies started about 10 weeks ago when I held my first ever women's only nutrition class at Grace.  I was expecting about 10-15 ladies to show up that day and when the room kept getting fuller and fuller to say I was overwhelmed and a bit nervous would be an understatement.  BUT, I knew this was in God's plan for me, why else would he send 57 women to hear me speak.

So, I told the crowd I was nervous as ever and successfully completed my first nutrition class...with my handsome helper Jim taking care of the technical jargon of course.

Fast forward....10 weeks.  Since then, I have held an 8 week challenge in which 20 women started in.  We called the group Women Empowering Women and as of last week I was able to measure only 9 of these women to get their results.   My first 9 ladies lost a total of 48 pounds and 89 inches.

Congratulations to Gloria 4 7/8 inches lost, Kaitlyn 13 5/8 inches lost, Jennifer L 14 1/2 inches lost, Grace 11 1/4 inches lost, Marilyn 3 1/8 inches lost, Myra 10 3/8 inches lost, Deb 13 1/2 inches lost, Tonya 2 5/8 inches lost, Shelley 14 3/4 inches lost.

I can't tell you how proud I am that they took this opportunity and turned it into a success.  The group kept giving me credit and thanking me...but they were the one's that listened to to what I had to say and used it to their advantage.  Baby steps are the way to successful changes and they have all have taken that step.  I'm proud to be their coach.  I have learned just as much from them as they have learned from me.

My challenge is over with these ladies but my work at Grace has only just begun.....please pass this along to anyone you know that would be interested:0)

************************************************

Hi Ladies,

I don't know if you all remember me or not but Carole Turnbo here with CrossFit Michiana.  I just wanted to let all of you know that the first official Grace Community Church Women Empowering Women Challenge has come to it's 8 week end and the measurements are proving to be wonderful.  I have only measured 9 of my participants so far but those 9 ladies have lost almost 48 pounds and more astonishing than anything they have lost 89 inches.  Yes, you read that right, 89 inches.  With two ladies losing over 14 inches each....this is the real deal.

I will NOT be doing another challenge of this magnitude until after the first of the year.  I am in the middle of my own competition season and I can't commit the time I would need to each of you in order to run a successful challenge.  But I have found an opportunity in my scheduling to coach fitness classes at Grace every other Tuesday evening.  If you attend my fitness classes the following day you will receive 6 workout that you should be able to do on your own to maintain until I see you again. And of course you will also have access to me for any of your nutritional questions that go along with changing your life:)

Below are the details of my dates and times that I will be at Grace  - I would love to jump start those of you that are ready to take that step on the fitness and nutrition that is real food and works....just ask any of the ladies that attended my challenge....anyone at any fitness level is welcome in my class.  You don't have to call ahead just show up - our next class is scheduled for Tuesday October 23rd at 8:00 pm.

What: Women's Only Cross Training Class
Where: Grace Community Church
When: Every other Tuesday evening at 8:00 pm (starting October 9, 2012)
Why: Women need Cross Training to build muscle. Muscle is metabolism and metabolism burns fat. Isn't that what we all want?
Cost: $10.00 per class - pay as you go.

Learn proper form on body weight exercises combined with olympic lifting that utilizes the core with every move - combine this with cardiovascular training and you have complete fat burning workout in 20 minutes or less. I guarantee there is no other workout like this to make the changes your looking for. from fat loss to toning whatever level you are at. This workout can be scaled to all levels of fitness from the couch potato to the elite athlete looking to improve their game. I also provide nutrition advice so that you get the COMPLETE package. Guaranteed results. I will be sending 6 additional workout - only to those that attend class...I will send emails on the following day.

If this class builds successfully we'll add additional time slots as needed.

Any questions, contact Carole Ann Turnbo via Facebook - or email at carole-stevens@sbcglobal.net.

Please feel free to grab your sister, mother, neighbor and friend and bring them in.

Changing lives every minute of every day,
Committed to your Health.

Carole Ann Turnbo
www.CrossFitMichiana.com

PS:  Like us on Facebook

You set me free....

Have you ever sat and prayed to God, and then asked him to send you signs that he's listening?  Asking Him for guidance and a path?  And then sit and wonder why he's not sending them?  When is he going to send me a sign?  When is he going to talk to me....And in all reality the signs have been coming in blasts and you just had your blinders on and weren't really listening!!

I have been struggling with "getting it all together!"  Emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, you name it I have questioned over and over.  Almost to a selfish stand point...when am I going to get the break that I deserve?  When is it my time?  I struggle with my emotions and trust.  I struggle with my injury.  I struggle with my nutrition.  I struggle with my ability to share my love for my God.  I struggle with believing that financially everything is going to be OK.  I know that when people look at me, they may believe that I  "have it all together!"  But, I too am only human and have struggles, I don't always display them I keep them tucked nicely inside.  The one thing I never do is give them away and believe that everything is going to be ok.

So, now that I have announced my struggles, I'd like to announce that I have really been working on changing these things.  Some things are easier than others to "fix!"  This isn't a new revelation that I have just come upon, this is something I've been working on daily for years...this is life.....but things are falling into place and I need to share my joys not just my struggles and why I am where I am today.

For my nutrition, I joined a challenge.  Which makes me accountable and I'm learning that I can make all the right choices and I see such a difference in my attitude and demeanor.  I love eating healthy, I love how it makes me feel and I love the new adventures that are coming my way by doing so.

Physically, in regards to my injury, I had to learn to put 100% of my trust into my Dr.  I had to believe that she knew what was best for me and that in the long run everything would be ok.  So, I believed in her and I trusted her and I did whatever she said to help my injury progress.  And here I am 3 weeks back from an injury that took me out of my game since May and I'm feeling great.  I am slowing but surely improving physically.

So, those are the EASY fixes...then you have emotional, financial, and spiritual.  These are the struggles that I would pray and pray and pray to God for guidance.  These were the things that I wanted SO badly to control but were out of my grasp.  I would ask him to send me signs, I would ask for guidance....but one thing I never did was completely give him control.  I never ever surrendered.

Those of you that know me and know me well, know that I am a control freak.  I like to do things my way, and if that can't happen well then sometimes it's not pretty.  So surrendering would mean, no control.  How can I do that?

I started getting signs....they bombarded me this week like a meteor shower.  They were sucker punching me from the left and the right.  Today, it took the one that nearly knocked me out of my seat to make me realize that if I didn't surrender, things would never change.

When Gage was with us last week, we were all driving in the car and the song "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave came on the radio.  The child was singing at the top of his lungs...the chorus:

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

This was the first time I took notice of the words.  And really listened with a child's voice belting it out in the back seat.  

Earlier this week, I wrote a blog:  5 minutes in my head.  Within,  minutes of posting the blog I received an email from Maranda.  The title of the email was Mastering the Waves of Adversity with a prayer attached:

"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!" Psalm 46:1-3

After hearing this song several times in the past week and a half I mentioned this to Brooke while we were in the car driving from dance one day.  I said I love this song, I keep hearing it..and she said "mom, if you keep hearing the same song, it's Him trying to tell you something!"  Oh my wise daughter, how I love that I have you in my life to lead me as a Christian.  So, the next time I heard it I REALLY listened.  

You think by now, I would have this all figured out...but no, there was more.

On Friday I woke up in a slump, thought about skipping the workout and just hanging out in my pajamas until it was time for my chiro appointment.  So, I signed onto the computer and started checking out the typical sites.  Crossfit, Lurong, Barbells, and Facebook.  The first thing that pops up on my Facebook page is a post from Amberwood Terrace Chiropractic, this is what it says:

You know who you are;)

 

















Needless to say, I shut the computer down, went to the gym, and had an awesome workout. 

There's more!!  This past week my husband posted two different things on his blog.  One on his business blog titled "When God Speaks" and another on his Facebook page titled "Do You Listen When he Speaks?" both of these blogs had similar messages that Jim had received by spending time listening to God when he speaks.  So, I have now heard from Gage, Maranda, Brooke, Angela, and now Jim...over and over and over again.   The same message mixed in different variations but being sent over and over and over into this thick thick skull.

Now, I'm sitting at church on Sunday morning and we NEVER go to the late service...but the crowd was small and I was completely listening and attentive and trying to pull the plethora of signs that I've received together and figure this whole thing out.  And it hit me like a ton of bricks....my body started shaking, my heart was literally pounding out of my chest, Pastor Jim urged those who were willing to surrender this day and this moment to come forward and profess it to the world. 

It's now or never Carole, I said to myself.  Today, I surrendered.  Today, I feel that the weight of the worldly troubles that I obsess over has been lifted off my shoulders. 

It was simple for me to surrender to my nutrition and it was simple for me to trust Angela 100% with my health but neither of those commitments or surrenders gave me the feeling that I feel today...Redemption! 

God, Please give me the courage to always surrender completely to you ,and when I go astray give me your Grace and lead me down the right path once again.