You set me free....

Have you ever sat and prayed to God, and then asked him to send you signs that he's listening?  Asking Him for guidance and a path?  And then sit and wonder why he's not sending them?  When is he going to send me a sign?  When is he going to talk to me....And in all reality the signs have been coming in blasts and you just had your blinders on and weren't really listening!!

I have been struggling with "getting it all together!"  Emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, you name it I have questioned over and over.  Almost to a selfish stand point...when am I going to get the break that I deserve?  When is it my time?  I struggle with my emotions and trust.  I struggle with my injury.  I struggle with my nutrition.  I struggle with my ability to share my love for my God.  I struggle with believing that financially everything is going to be OK.  I know that when people look at me, they may believe that I  "have it all together!"  But, I too am only human and have struggles, I don't always display them I keep them tucked nicely inside.  The one thing I never do is give them away and believe that everything is going to be ok.

So, now that I have announced my struggles, I'd like to announce that I have really been working on changing these things.  Some things are easier than others to "fix!"  This isn't a new revelation that I have just come upon, this is something I've been working on daily for years...this is life.....but things are falling into place and I need to share my joys not just my struggles and why I am where I am today.

For my nutrition, I joined a challenge.  Which makes me accountable and I'm learning that I can make all the right choices and I see such a difference in my attitude and demeanor.  I love eating healthy, I love how it makes me feel and I love the new adventures that are coming my way by doing so.

Physically, in regards to my injury, I had to learn to put 100% of my trust into my Dr.  I had to believe that she knew what was best for me and that in the long run everything would be ok.  So, I believed in her and I trusted her and I did whatever she said to help my injury progress.  And here I am 3 weeks back from an injury that took me out of my game since May and I'm feeling great.  I am slowing but surely improving physically.

So, those are the EASY fixes...then you have emotional, financial, and spiritual.  These are the struggles that I would pray and pray and pray to God for guidance.  These were the things that I wanted SO badly to control but were out of my grasp.  I would ask him to send me signs, I would ask for guidance....but one thing I never did was completely give him control.  I never ever surrendered.

Those of you that know me and know me well, know that I am a control freak.  I like to do things my way, and if that can't happen well then sometimes it's not pretty.  So surrendering would mean, no control.  How can I do that?

I started getting signs....they bombarded me this week like a meteor shower.  They were sucker punching me from the left and the right.  Today, it took the one that nearly knocked me out of my seat to make me realize that if I didn't surrender, things would never change.

When Gage was with us last week, we were all driving in the car and the song "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave came on the radio.  The child was singing at the top of his lungs...the chorus:

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

This was the first time I took notice of the words.  And really listened with a child's voice belting it out in the back seat.  

Earlier this week, I wrote a blog:  5 minutes in my head.  Within,  minutes of posting the blog I received an email from Maranda.  The title of the email was Mastering the Waves of Adversity with a prayer attached:

"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!" Psalm 46:1-3

After hearing this song several times in the past week and a half I mentioned this to Brooke while we were in the car driving from dance one day.  I said I love this song, I keep hearing it..and she said "mom, if you keep hearing the same song, it's Him trying to tell you something!"  Oh my wise daughter, how I love that I have you in my life to lead me as a Christian.  So, the next time I heard it I REALLY listened.  

You think by now, I would have this all figured out...but no, there was more.

On Friday I woke up in a slump, thought about skipping the workout and just hanging out in my pajamas until it was time for my chiro appointment.  So, I signed onto the computer and started checking out the typical sites.  Crossfit, Lurong, Barbells, and Facebook.  The first thing that pops up on my Facebook page is a post from Amberwood Terrace Chiropractic, this is what it says:

You know who you are;)

 

















Needless to say, I shut the computer down, went to the gym, and had an awesome workout. 

There's more!!  This past week my husband posted two different things on his blog.  One on his business blog titled "When God Speaks" and another on his Facebook page titled "Do You Listen When he Speaks?" both of these blogs had similar messages that Jim had received by spending time listening to God when he speaks.  So, I have now heard from Gage, Maranda, Brooke, Angela, and now Jim...over and over and over again.   The same message mixed in different variations but being sent over and over and over into this thick thick skull.

Now, I'm sitting at church on Sunday morning and we NEVER go to the late service...but the crowd was small and I was completely listening and attentive and trying to pull the plethora of signs that I've received together and figure this whole thing out.  And it hit me like a ton of bricks....my body started shaking, my heart was literally pounding out of my chest, Pastor Jim urged those who were willing to surrender this day and this moment to come forward and profess it to the world. 

It's now or never Carole, I said to myself.  Today, I surrendered.  Today, I feel that the weight of the worldly troubles that I obsess over has been lifted off my shoulders. 

It was simple for me to surrender to my nutrition and it was simple for me to trust Angela 100% with my health but neither of those commitments or surrenders gave me the feeling that I feel today...Redemption! 

God, Please give me the courage to always surrender completely to you ,and when I go astray give me your Grace and lead me down the right path once again.