I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm tired of being hungry...

Carole's Confessions

So, today I thought I would fill you in on some things that may or may not have happened this week...

1.  Last Wednesday - I wanted to quit CF and just be done with all this.
2.  I eat cereal on Open WOD Days.
3.  I may have blamed Sarah Ralston for stealing my boss socks.
4.  I ate wheat flour on Saturday...it wasn't such a good idea.
5.  I am extremely shy and all this attention is killing me.
6.  I cried my eyes out last night when the rankings came out.
7.  I took my first ice bath today...snow bath...whatever.
8.  I hate to drink water.
9.  I know the underlying message to Jim's email newsletter today.

Let me elaborate...

1.  Last Wednesday my body hurt and I wanted nothing more than to be a "normal" person and eat a freaking bagel!  I may have whined and complained my way through my appointment with Dr. L.  I may have had an attitude all day.  I may have told Jim that I wanted to eat a bagel.  I mean who in their right mind wants to do this?  I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm tired of being hungry.  My cortisol has to be completely out of whack as I eat, sleep, WOD, repeat the CF Open!!! 

2.  I am a creature of habit...and one habit I have is a heaping bowl of chocolate rice cereal drowning in coconut milk and topped with fresh strawberries EVERY time that I have an Open WOD to do. Who am I kidding...I don't eat just one bowl, I eat until my coconut milk is gone.  

Ingredients:  Rice, Sugar, Coconut Oil, Cocoa
Heaping spoon of coconut cream + water = coconut milk
Add strawberries for a delicious treat!

3.  This past Friday I had gone through my usual ritual...a couple of heaping bowls of cereal...typically makes a person like me pass out cold for a couple hours.  We'll call it carb crashing. During my "nap/coma" I had a dream about my son Brandon.  That was all it took for me to know that I had to wear the BOSS socks my lovely son had bought me as a gift when he was in Chicago. This was going to help my performance in the Open WOD on Friday.  Only problem was, they were nowhere to be found.  I searched in every dresser drawer of every family member.  At one point I may have proclaimed out loud, "That's it, Sarah Ralston took my socks!!"  For those of you that have NO CLUE who Sarah Ralston is - she is the one that keeps trading first and second place with me in the Central East Masters Women 45-49 age group.  And you all know she snuck in my house and stole my socks!!  

What really happened is I stuffed them in my boots and Brooke found them in the back seat of the truck on the way to the gym.  Divine intervention?!?!  Thank you Jesus - and Brooke for getting my socks.

The BOSS socks are on my feet...both Friday and Monday for the re-match!
Apparently Sarah Ralston is nicer than I've made her out to be;0)

4.  Flashback to that bagel I was craving...sometimes to get things out of my mind, I just go for it and see what happens.  Well, on Saturday I ordered a buffalo chicken wrap WITH A FLOUR TORTILLA!!! I was joining the ranks of the "normal!"  I ate approximately 1/2 - 3/4 of the actual tortilla...and then came the misery.  Lying on the floor, the bed, the couch wound up in the fetal position with stomach cramps so bad.  I am not normal, nor will I ever be.  Embrace it.

5.  The newspaper, the video, the Facebook posts, even a phone call interview from the Elkhart Police for my son Brandon resulted in talk about "my article!"  Makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide.  I was that kid that hid behind her mom's leg when people talked to me.  

6.  Last nights rankings.  I had much higher expectations for this workout.  And this one hurt.  More than I can ever express.  I'm still working through it as we speak.  

7.  Since Friday night I have had some strange muscular contractions in my right arm.  After consulting Dr. Angela on the nutritional end (possible dehydration/imbalance in nutrition) and Dr. Leffler on the muscular end (possible inflammation) ...it was suggested by Dr. Leffler that I take an ice bath.  I HATE TO BE COLD.  I cannot explain with words how much I hate to be cold...BUT I was willing to do what had to be done in order to make these stop.  

Step 1:  Shovel snow from the back porch into the bath tub.
Step 2:  Run cold water into the tub to melt some of the snow.
Step 3:  Get in the tub.
Step 4:  Make yourself sit there for 10-15 minutes.

I turned on some music...set a timer to count backwards from 15 to 0...and the only thing I had left to do was get in the tub.  I'd like you to imagine me hanging over the bathtub with all four limbs in each corner of the tub trying to figure out how to make myself get in.  This went on for almost two minutes...I finally counted 3,2,1 GO...now I know what you're all thinking...and set my arse in the tub.  At that point I may have let out a scream so primal that my dogs ran and hid under the bed.  No way were they going to watch this go down.  

I have a new fear.  Freezing to death.  I am afraid of drowning and now I am afraid of freezing to death.  IT HURT SO BAD!!  I swear I watched the hair on my legs grow back as I sat in the tub of ice water.  I made it 13 minutes from start (this includes the 2 minutes it took me to get into the water) to finish.  I got out of the tub at 9:58 - it's 11:24.  I'm still cold.

8.  Dr. A is on to something.  I don't like to drink water and my body needs it really bad.  She had me add real table salt to my water to help with hydration.  I've also been trying to eat my fair share of water filled fruits and vegetables.  Apples, peppers etc!!  

With Dr. A's wisdom I learned that "real salt" shouldn't be white..
.it should have some color in it these are minerals our
body needs that we don't get from our day to day table salt!  

9.  The newsletter - CLICK HERE TO READ

Pressure There are two truths in life that hold true about pressure (both imposed and self-imposed). They hold true no matter what you throw at them or how you look at them. These two truths can be summed up in three words: Buckle Pushing past So, today I get to decide if I will buckle or push past.  This decision can only be made by me and for me.  Jim cannot make this decision for me.  Brooke cannot make this decision for me.  You cannot make this decision for me.  I am the only one who can make this decision and I must make it for myself.   I was raised in a very large family where we were always taught to be completely selfless.  You didn't ever DO for yourself - you always did for others. It goes against every grain of my body to want to compete for me.  Every part of me wants to compete to make each of you proud.  I want my dad to be proud, and my mom.  I want my family to be proud.  I want Jim and my kids to be proud and I want each and every one of you to be proud.   Today, I have to dig to the deepest part of my being and let myself know it's ok to do something because I want it.  Because it's something I desire.  Because I want to make myself proud.  The struggle is real and it's only in me and can only be fixed by me. CrossFit is the easy part.   3,2,1 GO!!!