Belly and Boobs

Well, if that title doesn't grab your attention I don't know what else will.  The recount of Jillian's first day took me from laughter, to chills, to tears in a matter of 3 minutes.  I know you can all relate in some way shape or form to what Jillian was feeling.  And since I, her comfort zone, wasn't there to soften the blow she had to go way out on a limb.....

I am SO proud of Jillian...but just as much so, I am proud of our Community. I am proud to be a CrossFitter at CrossFit Michiana because of the people that walk through our doors each and every day.  I know who was in this first class with Jillian, but it doesn't matter what first class she would have walked into because this same treatment is gym wide. 

Thank you CrossFit Michiana athletes....I love each and every one of you as if you were my family...because you are, you're my CrossFit Family!!!  Let me know what you think after you read in Jillian's words:

Belly and Boobs

            I just finished my first week of regular CrossFit classes.  Wow. What a lot to process.  I have been on this journey for some time now, the journey of losing weight and getting healthier that is.  I have sorted through a lot of baggage. That being said, I certainly didn’t think I had arrived by any means. However, nothing could have prepared me for the plethora of emotions the first day I went to a regular class at the box.

            Early morning one day last week, after my usual not enough sleep due to nerves, I went to my first class. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had an idea, and I had hopes, but I really didn’t know for sure.  When I got there, everyone was so welcoming and Jim was the trainer leading the class.  It was my first time working with Jim and I was a little nervous because I was used to Carole, but I jumped right in. The warm up was pretty challenging, and again at the end of it I wondered why that wasn’t just the workout!  When it was time to start the workout Jim explained what it was; 10 deadlifts with a barbell and then a squat for strength, and then a 400 meter run. For those of you in the know, I think they called it a Bear.  Well, l was mortified. For any of you who are women and have dealt with weight issues and boobs, then you know what I will mean, the rest of you will just have to imagine.  The woman next to me pipes up and says that she is not going to run; she is going to do the rowing machine instead. Well, I thought that was because of her fitness level, so I quickly jumped in and told Jim that I too wanted to do the rowing machine instead of running! I mean, hey, my fitness level isn’t that great. So Jim asked me if there was some reason that I couldn’t run? There it was, the moment when time kinda stops. You know the moment when you can feel everything around you just suspends in time and it feels like all eyes are on you? Yeah, that moment.  Now, I don’t know Jim that well at all, but what I believe is that he is completely invested in helping people attain their goals and be the person that they were meant to be.  I think he cares for real. So, as he stood there asking his question and waiting for a response, a lot went through my mind. But the biggest thing was, “how could I tell this man that I hardly knew that the reason that I couldn’t run was because my boobs and belly would flap and bounce uncomfortably and ridiculously?!” In that pregnant silence, he then asked if I had sustained any injury that would prevent me from running?  I couldn’t do it! I just said no, I was fine. He looked at me and said that I would indeed start off running. So I did.

            The weight lifting and squatting was hard, but I did it. Then I set out to do the run. And it hurt. As I was jogging, if that’s what you call it, I crossed paths with the others in the class who were farther ahead of me. And that’s when the magic happened! That first person said, “Come on Jillian, you can do it!” Oh boy, that was it. The tears started flowing. I cried because it hurt. I cried because I didn’t know how I had let it get this bad. But mostly, I didn’t know why I cried. When I finished that first 400 meter part Jim was waiting and I went right back to the lifting/squatting part. I was waiting for him to say that I could row now, but he didn’t, so off I went to run again. The same encouragement followed with everyone encouraging me along the way!  With more tears, I really had to dig deep and finish that run. Back again I did the lifting/squatting and then Jim said I should row the last part which would be 500 meters. And it was hard too. I was really tired and by the end of it I didn’t know if I could do it, but I finished. As soon as I finished I burst into tears and had so many emotions that I just got out of there as quick as I could. What was going on?

            One of the things that I thought about was the trust factor. I remember when Jim was looking me in the eye and pushing me, I had the clear and distinct thought that in order to do this, I was going to have to trust him. That is hard for me. But, I decided that I would, and I did.  On a deeper level however, I knew that there was, and is, so much more. I have spent most of my adult life running from dealing with issues by eating; by numbing the pain. That morning in the gym, there was no food to hide behind. I had to do the work, and feel the pain, and trust someone. I think at the end of the experience when I knew that the choice to trust had been good, that Jim and everyone else was right, that I could do it, I was overcome by emotion. 

            So, if you were there that first day and are reading this now, I really want to thank you for what you did for me that day. I didn’t mean to run out of there so fast, I just had to.  It was  really a pretty big day for me and you helped make it possible! You know who you are.  In reality, it’s just a baby step. I have a long way to go. But to me, it feels kinda giant. It feels like a great big glorious giant step in the right direction!