1 done - 2015 week 1 recap!!

It's Physical.  It's Mental.  It's Emotional.  
I must stay Spiritual.

I'll just start this with a big sigh of relief.  Imagine all of the air coming out of me at one time as I let my shoulders drop and breath week 1 is done...

and I really need to talk about it.

Last Thursday I was anxiously awaiting the release of the first workout.  Just like so many others, I had my guesses on what it might be, but as we all have grown to know and love, is that you NEVER really know what you're going to get.  One thing I knew for sure.  And I wanted to make my intentions clear immediately, so right before the announcement I told my family that if I placed in the top 100 athletes in my age group IN THE WORLD that I was awarding myself a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg.

Another thing I did know for sure.  I could do it.  It might not be what I would choose.  It might be something I disliked.  It might be something I loved.  It might be a combination of both.  But, no matter what, I could do it!  With that mindset I sat down at dinner on Thursday night with my family and watched the announcement of the first workout.

And as soon as the WOD was released I started thinking about it...I fell asleep Thursday evening doing toes to bar in my head.  I woke up exhausted and blurry eyed on Friday morning to go coach the 515 class in the first workout of the open.  Still thinking about it.  Went back for the 830 class. Still thinking about it.

MENTAL

By 4:00 pm I had completely thought about it and had come up with my goals.  I wanted to get into the 6th round of the AMRAP and I would be completely ecstatic if I landed a 155# clean and jerk. At 4:30 I laid in my bed with my eyes closed for 15 minutes and did 6 rounds of the workout in my mind.  I then visualized myself landing my 155# clean and jerk.  Laying there I felt my heart racing in nervousness.  I started to get warm and almost felt like I was actually doing the workout.

YES T2B IN MY SLEEP!! It WORKED!

When I got to the gym and people started piling in I started to feel a bit anxious.  I could feel my stomach turning here and there and I would again close my eyes and remind myself of my goals.   After the briefing Jim threw me for a loop and announced to the ENTIRE crowd that we were working on my mental game and they were to take all questions to him and leave me be.  I was a little overwhelmed with that as I take a lot of pride in making sure that the open workouts run smoothly and are a great success for all of the athletes in the gym.  I honestly felt lost and alone and unsure of how to handle this "new role!"

PHYSICAL

Friday evening I did the WOD and got 5 rounds + 9 T2B for a total of 159 reps.  I also landed that 155# clean and jerk.  So, I was feeling pretty good about my success...for about 1/2 hour.  And then the thinking came back.  What can I do to make this even better?

SO EXCITED WHEN I LOCKED OUT THE 155#

Now, that I've FELT the WOD and had a score under my belt.  Where and how can I make this better?  One thing I don't do is compare myself to others on the leaderboard.  It's the most stressful thing in the world to me and I can't worry about what others are doing.  So, each WOD it's about doing the best I can do.  I heard here and there where I would have been placed on the leaderboard...but had no real idea of the reality of it.

Still gunning for my spot in the top 100 (I really wanted that Reese's) I reevaluated and had a new goal.  I wanted to get 165 reps in the AMRAP and I wanted to land 157# Clean and Jerk.

Jim told me that every time I thought about the WOD between Friday and Monday that I should visualize the number 165.  So that is what I did.  Randomly the workout would pop into my head and I planted that number right before my eyes.

It's Monday and I'm ready for a re-do.  I can't tell you how long I stalled.  To the point that Deb, my best female partner ever and judge said, "you have to do it eventually!"  I didn't realize it was that obvious;0)

I re-did the WOD and with much better pacing got 173 reps and landed 155# clean and jerk.  I did better.  I was excited.  For about 1/2 hour.  (Do you see a pattern?)

EMOTIONAL

After the WOD was over, I started coaching the 6:00 class and it dawned on me that I should have put the 2 3/4 weights on my barbell for a weight of 155.5.  How could I be so stupid?  Right away I started in on myself....this entourage of belittling myself stayed with me for 3 days.  Even after I saw my placement in the open.  Even after the excitement of coming in 19th in the world and 2nd in my region.  I did awesome and I was in such a great position and I still managed to tell myself I wasn't good enough.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't...

I beat myself up for three days straight.  Have you ever done that to yourself?  I had people congratulating me left and right.  I would say thank you outloud but in my head I would say other things.  They had NO IDEA what I was doing to myself.

SPIRITUAL

Those of you that know me well, know that I get my strength from the Lord.  Well, boy did I have to dig deep this time.  I pray constantly for God to guide me and use me wherever he will to share the great news of the God who saved me.  But the battle I had going on was a good one.  That sneaky little devil would sit on my shoulder and repeatedly tell me that I screwed this one up majorly.  I caught myself speaking out loud to the voice in my head.  One time in the car all by myself I yelled STOP IT!!!  Finally yesterday, I realized I wasn't going to be able to get over this by myself.  So, I FINALLY told Jim about my turmoil.  I didn't want anyone to know my deep dark secret.  I thought FOR SURE he would be just as angry at me as I was at myself.  And what he said to me was this, "you need to forgive yourself!"  I cried my eyes out...and forgave myself...and it was gone...I haven't thought about it since. 

The games are so much more than what you can handle physically.  We are all striving to "be better" in this world.  Better than our yesterday selves.  Better than our last week selves.  Better.  

So, here I stand Thursday March 5, 2015 8 hours and 12 minutes away from the announcement of wod 15.2.  A better person than I was yesterday and last week.  I will take what I learned.  Physically.  Mentally.  Emotionally. Spiritually.  And move on for another week.  

I have COMPLETELY reevaluated my goals and revamped my mindset.  And I wanted each of you to know where I stood, just in case...you've had some of those same feelings.  You are not alone.