Update on Jillian.....

So Jillian's concern this week is the scale.  You all know how Jim and I feel about scales.  "Give them to someone you don't like", is Jim's famous saying.  Me on the other hand, will tell you NOT to focus on the scale and it's numbers.....but, also being female and a person that loves numbers knows that is almost entirely impossible.  Because, I still sometimes focus on that number staring blindly at me between my toes. 

WHY WON'T IT CHANGE?!?!?!?!

The first thing I would normally ask in this scenario is "How is your food?"  and you as an athlete will tell me, "it's good!" to which I reply "like how good, are you writing it down?" to which you as an athlete reply "no, I'm just eating good!"  to which I ALWAYS say "write it down, and let me check it out!"  

If you are on a journey to lose weight and you DO NOT document your food daily you are probably not eating as good as you think you are.  You could be TOTALLY Paleo.....but there is still a matter of over-eating even in the Paleo world.  If you are baking all the time and eating Paleo baked goods....that is a lot of fat.  If you are using sweet potatoes, squash, and other high glycemic vegetables for your carbohydrates every day you could be setting yourself up.  If you think you can live without fat, well then you're crazy.  Are you actually getting enough protein EVERY DAY?!?!?  We don't know if you're not writing it down. 

So the next step after going "Paleo" is to look for food patterns that would be causing you to roadblock or plateau.   Paleo doesn't mean you can have unlimited quantities of anything that is good for you if you are looking for weight loss.  So Jillian, write down your food for 3 days straight and let me check it out.

GIVE ME AWAY!!!

I have a scale story that MOST of you have heard but I will repeat until the end of time:  Because it's about me, it's true, and I have to remind myself of it on several occasions...well, like every time I step on the scale because as a women....no matter what...I will look at that number and admonish myself for being "FAT!"  Silly girl.

My daughter Brianna is 20 and 1/2 years old.  So a little over 21 (1991) years ago I found myself pregnant with my second child.  At the time I weighed 115 pounds soaking wet and wore a size 7/9 in jeans.

Fast forward 16 (2007) years and I am sitting in Jim Turnbo's gym getting measured for my first bootcamp.  I step on the scale and weigh 148 pounds.  To which I reply, "that's impossible my driver's license say's I weigh 115 pounds!"  But, it was the COLD HARD truth.  At this point I was stuffing myself into a size 10 and really should have moved on to those 12's.

Fast forward 1 year (2008) I am now 128 pounds and wear a size 0/2/4 (depending on the designer).

Fast forward 4 years (2012) Today I weigh 143 pounds and wear a size 0/2/4 (depending on the designer).

So, baffling is it?  Sure, will I always focus on the scale.  Probably.  But in reality it's just a number.  Get off the scale, give it to someone you don't like, if you're pants are falling down during a WOD, keep up the good work....if they aren't write down your food and I'll be happy to help you.

Jillian's Story:

Learning to Trust

Okay, so this week I feel like not much happened.  As you saw from last week I have indeed been struggling with time and my insane schedule. One thing I did this week in trying to address my time and be honest about how to make my priorities match my goals is I resigned my place in the Goshen College Choir.  I joined the choir the first week of school. I was thrilled. For those of you that know me and my family, you know that we are a group of singing, drama induced, performance geeks.  So, it was really exciting for me to be in a choir of such caliber for the first time in years!  I did it because of joy. My schedule doesn’t allow much time for me to partake in activities that feed my soul and I knew that being in the choir would give me a much needed creative outlet; this would bring me so much joy.  But, the realities of my day and the demands on my time forced me to make some changes in my schedule and I knew that choir was what had to go. After all, it couldn’t be chemistry, as much as I would have preferred that, and it sure couldn’t be CrossFit!  So, step in the right direction for digging deep honestly.

            The real issue that I have been thinking about this week, however, is my scale. It just isn’t doing what I want it to do, which is move down!!  I mean, we are at a snail’s pace here.  I talked to Jim about it this week and his advice to me was just to throw that thing away!  We talked about my nutrition and protein intake. He also asked me if I saw other positive changes, which I do.  My clothes are fitting better and I had to buy some new pants and bras last week because the old were just ridiculous.  But I am having trouble reconciling these facts with the scale that won’t move as fast as I want it to.  So what is really going on here?  For me, I think it’s about trust; trusting my body to do the right thing. Do I really believe that if I give my body what it needs nutritionally that it will respond?  For many years I had given up.  I was a looser who just couldn’t lose any weight. Ironic, right? I didn’t believe that I could do it, and had just sunk down into a deep pit of hopelessness.  Well, I have definitely moved beyond that place, but like peeling away at the layers of an onion, there is more to do.  On a deeper level I am having trouble trusting that I will get there.  Like in labor, my fear was that I just couldn’t do. It hurt like hell, and I was afraid. But, you know what? I DID do it! My body did work right, and as the famous midwife Ina May Gaskin always says: my body is not a lemon! 

There are many things that I have learned about myself and I know that this lesson before me must be learned too.  I need to trust that even if I don’t see the progress as fast as I wish that I will get there. Things are happening.  And since I am doing good things, good things must result!  Towards the end of the week, I got sick. A real whopper of a cold settled into my chest and I felt miserable.  This is a classic time for me to succumb to the desire for comfort foods like Ramen noodle soup (which I am not sure even technically qualifies as food) and starchy things. I didn’t do that though. I ate well. I made homemade chicken soup, slept a ton extra and gave my body a chance to feel better.  All the while upset that I couldn’t go to CrossFit.  I don’t want to lose any ground!  I am trying to trust that I am going to get there.  And Jim, I haven’t even gotten on the scale!    

So proud of my Gracies.....

For those of you that don't know if my plate isn't overbooked and I'm not running around like a chicken with my head cut off then I don't feel ...well, like I am changing the world.  And I really want to change the world.

My journey with my Gracies started about 10 weeks ago when I held my first ever women's only nutrition class at Grace.  I was expecting about 10-15 ladies to show up that day and when the room kept getting fuller and fuller to say I was overwhelmed and a bit nervous would be an understatement.  BUT, I knew this was in God's plan for me, why else would he send 57 women to hear me speak.

So, I told the crowd I was nervous as ever and successfully completed my first nutrition class...with my handsome helper Jim taking care of the technical jargon of course.

Fast forward....10 weeks.  Since then, I have held an 8 week challenge in which 20 women started in.  We called the group Women Empowering Women and as of last week I was able to measure only 9 of these women to get their results.   My first 9 ladies lost a total of 48 pounds and 89 inches.

Congratulations to Gloria 4 7/8 inches lost, Kaitlyn 13 5/8 inches lost, Jennifer L 14 1/2 inches lost, Grace 11 1/4 inches lost, Marilyn 3 1/8 inches lost, Myra 10 3/8 inches lost, Deb 13 1/2 inches lost, Tonya 2 5/8 inches lost, Shelley 14 3/4 inches lost.

I can't tell you how proud I am that they took this opportunity and turned it into a success.  The group kept giving me credit and thanking me...but they were the one's that listened to to what I had to say and used it to their advantage.  Baby steps are the way to successful changes and they have all have taken that step.  I'm proud to be their coach.  I have learned just as much from them as they have learned from me.

My challenge is over with these ladies but my work at Grace has only just begun.....please pass this along to anyone you know that would be interested:0)

************************************************

Hi Ladies,

I don't know if you all remember me or not but Carole Turnbo here with CrossFit Michiana.  I just wanted to let all of you know that the first official Grace Community Church Women Empowering Women Challenge has come to it's 8 week end and the measurements are proving to be wonderful.  I have only measured 9 of my participants so far but those 9 ladies have lost almost 48 pounds and more astonishing than anything they have lost 89 inches.  Yes, you read that right, 89 inches.  With two ladies losing over 14 inches each....this is the real deal.

I will NOT be doing another challenge of this magnitude until after the first of the year.  I am in the middle of my own competition season and I can't commit the time I would need to each of you in order to run a successful challenge.  But I have found an opportunity in my scheduling to coach fitness classes at Grace every other Tuesday evening.  If you attend my fitness classes the following day you will receive 6 workout that you should be able to do on your own to maintain until I see you again. And of course you will also have access to me for any of your nutritional questions that go along with changing your life:)

Below are the details of my dates and times that I will be at Grace  - I would love to jump start those of you that are ready to take that step on the fitness and nutrition that is real food and works....just ask any of the ladies that attended my challenge....anyone at any fitness level is welcome in my class.  You don't have to call ahead just show up - our next class is scheduled for Tuesday October 23rd at 8:00 pm.

What: Women's Only Cross Training Class
Where: Grace Community Church
When: Every other Tuesday evening at 8:00 pm (starting October 9, 2012)
Why: Women need Cross Training to build muscle. Muscle is metabolism and metabolism burns fat. Isn't that what we all want?
Cost: $10.00 per class - pay as you go.

Learn proper form on body weight exercises combined with olympic lifting that utilizes the core with every move - combine this with cardiovascular training and you have complete fat burning workout in 20 minutes or less. I guarantee there is no other workout like this to make the changes your looking for. from fat loss to toning whatever level you are at. This workout can be scaled to all levels of fitness from the couch potato to the elite athlete looking to improve their game. I also provide nutrition advice so that you get the COMPLETE package. Guaranteed results. I will be sending 6 additional workout - only to those that attend class...I will send emails on the following day.

If this class builds successfully we'll add additional time slots as needed.

Any questions, contact Carole Ann Turnbo via Facebook - or email at carole-stevens@sbcglobal.net.

Please feel free to grab your sister, mother, neighbor and friend and bring them in.

Changing lives every minute of every day,
Committed to your Health.

Carole Ann Turnbo
www.CrossFitMichiana.com

PS:  Like us on Facebook

You set me free....

Have you ever sat and prayed to God, and then asked him to send you signs that he's listening?  Asking Him for guidance and a path?  And then sit and wonder why he's not sending them?  When is he going to send me a sign?  When is he going to talk to me....And in all reality the signs have been coming in blasts and you just had your blinders on and weren't really listening!!

I have been struggling with "getting it all together!"  Emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, you name it I have questioned over and over.  Almost to a selfish stand point...when am I going to get the break that I deserve?  When is it my time?  I struggle with my emotions and trust.  I struggle with my injury.  I struggle with my nutrition.  I struggle with my ability to share my love for my God.  I struggle with believing that financially everything is going to be OK.  I know that when people look at me, they may believe that I  "have it all together!"  But, I too am only human and have struggles, I don't always display them I keep them tucked nicely inside.  The one thing I never do is give them away and believe that everything is going to be ok.

So, now that I have announced my struggles, I'd like to announce that I have really been working on changing these things.  Some things are easier than others to "fix!"  This isn't a new revelation that I have just come upon, this is something I've been working on daily for years...this is life.....but things are falling into place and I need to share my joys not just my struggles and why I am where I am today.

For my nutrition, I joined a challenge.  Which makes me accountable and I'm learning that I can make all the right choices and I see such a difference in my attitude and demeanor.  I love eating healthy, I love how it makes me feel and I love the new adventures that are coming my way by doing so.

Physically, in regards to my injury, I had to learn to put 100% of my trust into my Dr.  I had to believe that she knew what was best for me and that in the long run everything would be ok.  So, I believed in her and I trusted her and I did whatever she said to help my injury progress.  And here I am 3 weeks back from an injury that took me out of my game since May and I'm feeling great.  I am slowing but surely improving physically.

So, those are the EASY fixes...then you have emotional, financial, and spiritual.  These are the struggles that I would pray and pray and pray to God for guidance.  These were the things that I wanted SO badly to control but were out of my grasp.  I would ask him to send me signs, I would ask for guidance....but one thing I never did was completely give him control.  I never ever surrendered.

Those of you that know me and know me well, know that I am a control freak.  I like to do things my way, and if that can't happen well then sometimes it's not pretty.  So surrendering would mean, no control.  How can I do that?

I started getting signs....they bombarded me this week like a meteor shower.  They were sucker punching me from the left and the right.  Today, it took the one that nearly knocked me out of my seat to make me realize that if I didn't surrender, things would never change.

When Gage was with us last week, we were all driving in the car and the song "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave came on the radio.  The child was singing at the top of his lungs...the chorus:

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

This was the first time I took notice of the words.  And really listened with a child's voice belting it out in the back seat.  

Earlier this week, I wrote a blog:  5 minutes in my head.  Within,  minutes of posting the blog I received an email from Maranda.  The title of the email was Mastering the Waves of Adversity with a prayer attached:

"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!" Psalm 46:1-3

After hearing this song several times in the past week and a half I mentioned this to Brooke while we were in the car driving from dance one day.  I said I love this song, I keep hearing it..and she said "mom, if you keep hearing the same song, it's Him trying to tell you something!"  Oh my wise daughter, how I love that I have you in my life to lead me as a Christian.  So, the next time I heard it I REALLY listened.  

You think by now, I would have this all figured out...but no, there was more.

On Friday I woke up in a slump, thought about skipping the workout and just hanging out in my pajamas until it was time for my chiro appointment.  So, I signed onto the computer and started checking out the typical sites.  Crossfit, Lurong, Barbells, and Facebook.  The first thing that pops up on my Facebook page is a post from Amberwood Terrace Chiropractic, this is what it says:

You know who you are;)

 

















Needless to say, I shut the computer down, went to the gym, and had an awesome workout. 

There's more!!  This past week my husband posted two different things on his blog.  One on his business blog titled "When God Speaks" and another on his Facebook page titled "Do You Listen When he Speaks?" both of these blogs had similar messages that Jim had received by spending time listening to God when he speaks.  So, I have now heard from Gage, Maranda, Brooke, Angela, and now Jim...over and over and over again.   The same message mixed in different variations but being sent over and over and over into this thick thick skull.

Now, I'm sitting at church on Sunday morning and we NEVER go to the late service...but the crowd was small and I was completely listening and attentive and trying to pull the plethora of signs that I've received together and figure this whole thing out.  And it hit me like a ton of bricks....my body started shaking, my heart was literally pounding out of my chest, Pastor Jim urged those who were willing to surrender this day and this moment to come forward and profess it to the world. 

It's now or never Carole, I said to myself.  Today, I surrendered.  Today, I feel that the weight of the worldly troubles that I obsess over has been lifted off my shoulders. 

It was simple for me to surrender to my nutrition and it was simple for me to trust Angela 100% with my health but neither of those commitments or surrenders gave me the feeling that I feel today...Redemption! 

God, Please give me the courage to always surrender completely to you ,and when I go astray give me your Grace and lead me down the right path once again. 

What's in my head this morning.....

So, here I sit 1 week out of competition and I'm wondering what the heck. 

I'm not really nervous yet, I'm sitting at mad.  Mad that my body isn't ready to do what I know it can do.  Mad that it takes time to heal.  Mad that I can't get my damn double under to save my life.  Mad that I can't have heavy whipping cream in my coffee.

And then I'm glad.  Glad that I can move again.  Glad that my food is going well.  Glad that I can at least lift the 65# bar this week.  Glad that I improved on my double under score this morning. 

And then I'm sad.  Sad that I can't lift my 85% on my back squat.  Sad that I can' t clean more than 95#.  Sad that I'm sad. 

Zach coaching me through my Fran PR 5:07

Then I'm happy.  Happy that I'm starting to get my handstand walk down pat.  Happy that it doesn't hurt to sleep.  Happy that I'm sleeping.  Happy that I found this miracle food called coconut manna. 

Then I'm disappointed.  Disappointed that my scores are lower than what I want them to be.  Disappointed that I can't fix my disappointment with chai's and ice cream. 

Then I'm excited.  Excited to see what the WOD's are going to be.  Excited that I get to spend my competition weekend with my little princess Brooke.  Excited that I get to compete against women my own age.  Excited that I have made it 18 days with no sugar and no dairy.  Excited that I lost 1.5 pounds.  Excited that I get to drink Progenix post WOD.  Excited that I'm about to make myself some type of pancake for breakfast.....

Maybe I am nervous:) 

Really, my problems aren't really problems....and it seems that the good outweighs the bad....this is just the silly stuff that runs through my head. 

How do you make TIME....

I have heard every excuse under the sun in regards to exercise.  What it comes down to, is a choice...either you choose to do it or you don't.  

It's not because it's too hard, or I'm too fat, or I'm not strong enough, or I need to lose some weight first, or I need to get in shape first, or I can't do THAT, or I don't want to look bad, or I don't like when other people see me exercise, or I don't want to be the last one done, or I don't want to get hurt, or I don't want to be beat by a girl, or I just don't have TIME.....

So, how do you make time to exercise.  What do you sacrifice to get to your CrossFit class each day? 

I like to compare CrossFit/exercise/fitness classes of any sort to a couple of different things.  Let's start with your children's sport schedule.  You go to your child's school and sign them up for...football, baseball, dance, cheerleading, etc.   You are given a schedule by their coach.  Practice for blah blah blah will be on Mon, Tues, and Wed from 6:30-8:30 pm.  You then try to figure out a plan of how and when you will get your child there.  It's your child for heaven's sake and if they want to play this sport you will do everything in your power to make sure that they get to play it.  We want them to succeed right?  We want them to be the best they can be?  So, you call friends that are driving and you set up a carpool.  You cancel your Wednesday night cake decorating class so that you can get them there.  You leave work early.  I'm not going to lie I have even googled to see if there is a child's taxi service to get Brooke from point A to point B.  BUT, the fact of the matter is this, I will do everything I possibly can to get my child to their practice, game, play, musical performance, art smart, etc......

....and the first thing I would cut out in order to make this happen is MY TIME!!!

Now, the second thing I like to compare CrossFit classes to is an appointment.  Like one you would make with Brett for your eyes, or one you would make with Daron for you teeth, or one you would make with Angela for your adjustment.  Now, Brett, Daron, and Angela would not say to you...just come on into my office whenever it is convenient for you and we'll get your eyes checked out, or we'll clean your teeth, or I'll do an adjustment.  CrossFit is as much as a health appointment as any of the above.  So, put it on your calendar like an appointment.  And when another issue comes to rise, you have to say I can not do that, I have an appointment at that time.  Treat it like the health appointment that it is.

Make it a part of your routine, make is a part of your schedule.  Get up an hour early or go to bed an hour later...eat healthy, work healthy....BE HEALTHY!! It's a choice.

Jillian is looking for some advice on how to make this work in her life.  The best piece of advice that I can give her is to keep plugging away.  Pick two days and make it an appointment.  When you have nicely settled into that routine, add another "appointment" into your week.  I love that she is reaching out....because none of us can do this alone!!  We got your back Jillian. 

One day at a time.....

Honesty, Time, and Tough Decisions

A number of months ago I met with the dietician in my doctor’s office.  My doctor was concerned about my blood sugar levels.  I wasn’t exactly convinced it was necessary, but I wanted to remain open for any input that might be helpful.  After all, I had been reading about Paleo nutrition for more than a year. I knew that the key to good health was good nutrition, and I knew what to do, I just had to do it!

The morning of the appointment with the dietician arrived and I dutifully headed to the office.  Right on time the dietician entered carrying her basket full of food samples so that she could educate me on proper nutrition.  What ensued, however, was a delightful surprise! Instead of just lecturing me from the food pyramid, she set the basket aside and got to know me a little. I told her about my thoughts on paleo nutrition and shared with her my food plan for good health. She did not tell me anything about food, or recommend any books for further reading. She told me that she really thought I knew what I needed to know to make good changes.  Then, she got right down to it.  She asked me why I don’t take care of myself, and love myself as much as I do my children.  I had shared with her that I try to feed my children well, and thankfully none of them struggle with weight issues at all.  Her recommendation was to spend 15 minutes daily reflecting upon how I need to take care of myself with the same love and respect that I give to my family.  So, I really have done a lot of that for the past few months. Asking myself the hard questions about my worth and what that has to do with what I put in my mouth (a lot).  I’ve made lots of progress.

You are probably wondering what this has to do with CrossFit right about now.  Well, this week has been hard for me to figure out just exactly when I am supposed to go exercise! Isn’t that just one of the many common excuses that one hears, that I myself have used a ton?  I don’t have time to exercise.   In spending time this week thinking about this, it dawned on me that I need to ask myself the same questions about physical health that I did about nutritional health.  How can I show love and respect for myself in this realm of taking care of my physical body? How important is it anyway?  I have so much on my plate, and it’s not just frivolous stuff either. I am a single mother of four, I am a fulltime nursing student, and I work part time. That’s just the really big stuff. There really isn’t much I can eliminate.  Now, I know that life happens, and sometimes you just have to do what you have to do; like the day this week that it was either CrossFit, or study for a chemistry quiz (I would have preferred CrossFit).  I just can’t skip study time for chemistry. But, the question is then, how can I figure this out with personal integrity?  How can I make a schedule that will honor all the facets of what my commitments are? How do I really make sure that I put my health first?  I believe that honesty is at the root of this, at least for me. Being honest with myself about what kind of choices I am making.  That involves dropping the excuses and making some really hard decisions at times. 

Answering these questions honestly, and acting with integrity towards myself is at the core of reaching my goals.  Again, I go back to the idea that in order to care for and educate people as a nurse, and later a midwife, I must be healthy! Both in body and in spirit I must be healthy.  This evolution will take place one step at a time. One short jog, one burpee, one sit-up and one deadlift at a time.  And one decision at a time.

By the way, at the end of the summer when I went back in to see my doctor she was surprised and happy to find that my blood sugar levels are completely normal!  When I shared with her how I had done it by eating paleo, specifically the WHOLE30, she said that was great and that she wished I could talk to all of her patients.  I bet you can guess what my next thought was: if she only knew how much I wished I could!  These issues of personal health integrity and honesty, of making the time to eat well and exercise, are issues that we all deal with. Please share with me any tips or advice that you have found that has helped you along the way in making time to exercise or CrossFit. I would love to hear them!

Belly and Boobs

Well, if that title doesn't grab your attention I don't know what else will.  The recount of Jillian's first day took me from laughter, to chills, to tears in a matter of 3 minutes.  I know you can all relate in some way shape or form to what Jillian was feeling.  And since I, her comfort zone, wasn't there to soften the blow she had to go way out on a limb.....

I am SO proud of Jillian...but just as much so, I am proud of our Community. I am proud to be a CrossFitter at CrossFit Michiana because of the people that walk through our doors each and every day.  I know who was in this first class with Jillian, but it doesn't matter what first class she would have walked into because this same treatment is gym wide. 

Thank you CrossFit Michiana athletes....I love each and every one of you as if you were my family...because you are, you're my CrossFit Family!!!  Let me know what you think after you read in Jillian's words:

Belly and Boobs

            I just finished my first week of regular CrossFit classes.  Wow. What a lot to process.  I have been on this journey for some time now, the journey of losing weight and getting healthier that is.  I have sorted through a lot of baggage. That being said, I certainly didn’t think I had arrived by any means. However, nothing could have prepared me for the plethora of emotions the first day I went to a regular class at the box.

            Early morning one day last week, after my usual not enough sleep due to nerves, I went to my first class. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had an idea, and I had hopes, but I really didn’t know for sure.  When I got there, everyone was so welcoming and Jim was the trainer leading the class.  It was my first time working with Jim and I was a little nervous because I was used to Carole, but I jumped right in. The warm up was pretty challenging, and again at the end of it I wondered why that wasn’t just the workout!  When it was time to start the workout Jim explained what it was; 10 deadlifts with a barbell and then a squat for strength, and then a 400 meter run. For those of you in the know, I think they called it a Bear.  Well, l was mortified. For any of you who are women and have dealt with weight issues and boobs, then you know what I will mean, the rest of you will just have to imagine.  The woman next to me pipes up and says that she is not going to run; she is going to do the rowing machine instead. Well, I thought that was because of her fitness level, so I quickly jumped in and told Jim that I too wanted to do the rowing machine instead of running! I mean, hey, my fitness level isn’t that great. So Jim asked me if there was some reason that I couldn’t run? There it was, the moment when time kinda stops. You know the moment when you can feel everything around you just suspends in time and it feels like all eyes are on you? Yeah, that moment.  Now, I don’t know Jim that well at all, but what I believe is that he is completely invested in helping people attain their goals and be the person that they were meant to be.  I think he cares for real. So, as he stood there asking his question and waiting for a response, a lot went through my mind. But the biggest thing was, “how could I tell this man that I hardly knew that the reason that I couldn’t run was because my boobs and belly would flap and bounce uncomfortably and ridiculously?!” In that pregnant silence, he then asked if I had sustained any injury that would prevent me from running?  I couldn’t do it! I just said no, I was fine. He looked at me and said that I would indeed start off running. So I did.

            The weight lifting and squatting was hard, but I did it. Then I set out to do the run. And it hurt. As I was jogging, if that’s what you call it, I crossed paths with the others in the class who were farther ahead of me. And that’s when the magic happened! That first person said, “Come on Jillian, you can do it!” Oh boy, that was it. The tears started flowing. I cried because it hurt. I cried because I didn’t know how I had let it get this bad. But mostly, I didn’t know why I cried. When I finished that first 400 meter part Jim was waiting and I went right back to the lifting/squatting part. I was waiting for him to say that I could row now, but he didn’t, so off I went to run again. The same encouragement followed with everyone encouraging me along the way!  With more tears, I really had to dig deep and finish that run. Back again I did the lifting/squatting and then Jim said I should row the last part which would be 500 meters. And it was hard too. I was really tired and by the end of it I didn’t know if I could do it, but I finished. As soon as I finished I burst into tears and had so many emotions that I just got out of there as quick as I could. What was going on?

            One of the things that I thought about was the trust factor. I remember when Jim was looking me in the eye and pushing me, I had the clear and distinct thought that in order to do this, I was going to have to trust him. That is hard for me. But, I decided that I would, and I did.  On a deeper level however, I knew that there was, and is, so much more. I have spent most of my adult life running from dealing with issues by eating; by numbing the pain. That morning in the gym, there was no food to hide behind. I had to do the work, and feel the pain, and trust someone. I think at the end of the experience when I knew that the choice to trust had been good, that Jim and everyone else was right, that I could do it, I was overcome by emotion. 

            So, if you were there that first day and are reading this now, I really want to thank you for what you did for me that day. I didn’t mean to run out of there so fast, I just had to.  It was  really a pretty big day for me and you helped make it possible! You know who you are.  In reality, it’s just a baby step. I have a long way to go. But to me, it feels kinda giant. It feels like a great big glorious giant step in the right direction!