So this past Sunday I got the pleasure of driving to Fort Wayne to spend the afternoon with my parents. This task was originally assigned to me by my oldest sister Kathy who normally takes care of my parents the majority of the time. She needed some help and called on the clan to take turns feeding my parents Sunday dinner and spending quality time with them.
I originally treated this task as another get it done and check it off my list kind of an item. You see I was moving at such a fast pace through life that I didn't really take the time to stop and think about what is really happening.
My parents are older - I am the youngest of 9 children and my mom was 38 years old when she had me...with me living up north I have lost touch with what is really happening back home. It's one of those things I always warn Brandon about....just because you're not here in the everyday life doesn't mean that time is sitting still. I walked into my parents house with some thoughts that time was sitting still. Let me tell you, it's not!
My dad has Alzheimer's and my mom is showing signs of memory loss but more importantly she hurts physically. She has some back and hip issues and she loses her balance very easily. She gets along OK in a walker but really they are dependent on others now. Something I never thought I would see from the two people that spent their entire lives caring for others.
We had the kind of home where no one was a stranger - we could bring home strays - and I'm not talking animals here - and they were always accepted in our home. They were fed a nice dinner, talked to like part of the family, and if necessary had a bed made for them somewhere. With warm blankets and a good night kiss....it's just the way they rolled.
So I walked into Mom and Dad's home with bags of groceries ready to make it a good day. Now, Kathy had warned me that mom was a little "grouchy" that morning. So, I started unpacking the groceries and "testing the water!'' Telling mom and dad every little surprise that came out of my bag. I said "we have salmon", mom said "we had fish last night!" I said "and I bought some yummy sweet potatoes", mom said "I don't like sweet potatoes!" I said as I was pulling the yummy goodies out of the bag "but I bet you like cookies, we are gonna bake as well!" Hmmm, no comment here? I believe I am making headway.
So we started right off baking cookies. Now, let's go back a few plus years. My dad was an awesome baker. I have so many wonderful memories of being at the bakery and watching his mastery at hand. I could never get enough of going in to work with him and being a part of his day. My dad's Alzheimer's has left him at a stage where he no longer knows what things are called - but he was SO interested in what I was doing and he wanted to be by me and do everything I was doing. He wanted SO much to be a part of the cookie baking process and to experience the role reversal was almost too much for me to handle. It's very scary watching your parents age.
As soon as the cookies started coming out of the oven, we started munching on them. I will ignore the fact that my mother told me I burned them only because the best thing I ever saw was my father eating the cookies like they were going out of style. Our role reversal was now complete - I couldn't even muster the words "don't spoil your dinner!" because I didn't even care if he ate dinner at this point. He was like a sneaky little boy - every time he walked by the cookies 2-3 went in his hand.
As dinner was cooking dad took it upon himself to get our plates and utensils ready for dinner. When he was taking out the plates I told him there were 6 of us....he can't count so he just kept handing me the plates until I told him we had enough. Then he said to me "What are those things called that we eat with?" and I said "forks?" and he said "Yeah, I think so - how many of those do we need?" FLASHBACK to my childhood - setting the table and my dad counting the plates for me and getting all of the silverware out - we always had to wrap the silverware in a napkin like you were at a restaurant when we set the table. My dad sat at the kitchen table for nearly 10 minutes trying to make sure we had enough forks and wrapping them like a pro once he figured out we did. My favorite part of this moment was Brooke looking over at me and whispering "Mommy, look he's wrapping the silverware!" I said "I know, it's how we always do it!"
Well, to wrap up this event my mom LOVED my sweet potatoes and even called Kathy and proudly announced that she ate sweet potatoes for dinner. Kathy praised her like a child and mom beamed. Dad ate all of his dinner despite the grand amount of cookies he ate.
You see - what I didn't notice when I was running around in Mishawaka, Elkhart, and South Bend like a chicken with my head cut off - is that I was missing out on something so much more important. My parents when they needed me the most. The smiles, the hugs, the praise, the love, the grouchies, the memories that were made on Sunday along with the ones that were buried so deep in my heart.......
Thank you Kathy - this was not a task at all. Thank you for helping me realize that I was needed back at home. I love you and I love the great care that you are taking for our parents. I know it's not an easy job by far and I will be there to help anytime you need me.
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